You tried to convince her that if she gave you head she'd hear the ocean.....
I feel like every car around me knows I'm driving in my snuggie
Two girls down stairs, two girls up stairs and....
We've got ourselves a situation
Ok say I was sexually attracted to a patient who also happens to be in high school...on how many levels is that illegal? And will I actually hear the laws break when I fuck him
drunk guy next to me on the train just tried to share his pizza with me
he just tried to feed it to me...i love new york
You could breast feed yourself wine!! This shit is genius!
No if my life depended on you fingering me just let me die
Got laid last night using the intro line of "rate your hurricane evacuation plan on a scale of 1-10"
I figure even if it starts out as just sex I can bang him into loving me
I think i just shit in their garbage can, I'm ready for that ride u owe bro.
You came in last night, ate an entire avocado in silence, and then told me I should never accept rides from strangers. Not sure I even want to know what happened to you last night!
I'll truly miss your penis but your use of words and phrases such as bae, yolo, swag, and totes have ruined how attractive you once were.
I don't mean to crush your hopes and dreams but having sex IN the Stanley Cup isn't possible
You can’t homewreck what the Lord hath brought together.
Sitting on couch, workout sex makes me more sore than regular workout
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