I almost hooked up with this girl last night. she had a tattoo of a cardinal next to her cooter. said it reminded her of her grandpa
I can hear my fat mexican neighbor yelling "do you like that!" ...I hope its not his dog
Why am I getting the stink eye from these people? They're acting like BYOB isn't kosher in a laundromat.
I'm just gonna go nail your roommate after we break up anyway.
I woke up in nothing but a shower cap and your sparkling coke straw snorter thing inbetween my toes. Explain.
He got completely naked and is now just standee there next to my bed poking at my hamster. Why can't I get sex the normal way.
Technically he's married but he says it's "not like that" even tho his wife lives with him. Not sure if I believe him but I'm sleeping with him anyway.
I can't. I think his penis is about to take out a restraining order against me.
You know my ex in high school who cheated on me and dumped me right before prom? A decade later, I just saw her again...working at an Arby's. it was a good day...
posting about faith hill is really not helping you get me into your bed
We left the bar and you kept yelling "ONWARD SCION, TO GLORY!!"
He's beautiful. His facial hair makes me wanna cum in it
Ew, no. But yeah I feel the same
I just squirted in your honor. It's like pouring one out for the beautiful sex partnership that could have been
Eat, nap, & pace yourself. Words to live by.
i think you might have coined the term "slightly awkward pyromania"
Randomize
