I just realized I had sex more when i looked like a fat elton john. Fuck my life.
i just got cum up my nose. i would have expected more from the captain of the men's lacrosse team
he asked me if i would dance for him to make it easier for him to jack off. does that answer your question.
nothing says "we're all in this together" like the herpes she passed around to our entire group of friends
So last week was the 4th time a girl cried after sex. I'm seriously doing something wrong
its amazing there are so many photos of me and him separately, since most of that party time was spent sneaking away to fuck upstairs...
Some days you just pee in a stairwell and go home.
But I'll just tell people it was a bar fight... Sounds a lot better than "well I was drunk and alone and eating Special K naked in my bed"
Whoever roofied me last night owes me a new pair of white jeans
Sorry I punched you in the throat. You got in my way. You understand.
I can't masturbate without laughing really hard at some point and it's entirely your fault.
I came so hard I went blind for a few seconds.
We have angered the beer gods. It feels like I'm shitting angry cats.
I want a dick in my left hand and a Crunch Wrap Supreme in my right hand.
You abruptly started screaming because they had and I quote “calamari on the hoof”
Randomize
