Pappa wants mamma naked
Her vagina was like a man-sized safe.
names aren't important. just tell him all you want is a lil make out sesh and keep it moving.
I wish the holidays was like a drive thru. Get in. Get your presents. Get out.
How do the people at CVS not know your living in their bathroom?
You are number one in my heart. But in the dick Olympics you're disqualified.
We had car sex in the parking lot of the dispensery while he blasted Tony Bennett. It was so fucking romantic.
Okay throwing up in my mouth a little = time to go home
High Amy loves you. Sober Amy is unsure, but she's not here so fuck that bitch.
After last night I think its official. Deep down, we like alcohol more than we like women.
I just want to trick people into going on dates with me so they can bring back to their houses and let me use their wifi.
Can I trade you chipotle for a pregnancy test?
Take off your clothes and see if he wants to have sex, that's a good way to find out
I don't know what you're doing this morning, but obtaining Plan B is my number-one priority.
I just made myself orgasm twice and Laura lee hit 4 million subscribers. It’s a good day everywhere
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