All these guys look like the American Apparel version of Jesus...
I'm home now. bring me food and boobies
Dude there are two smokin hot chicks laying outside my apartment...I almost want to tell them theyre laying where I threw up last night
U should. Its a good ice breaker
his penis is like a homeless cat. ever since I've satisfied him he keeps showing up on my doorstep ask for more.
Dude, you were so drunk last night that when we went into subway, you forgot the word for bread.
dude...I wrote 15 jersey shore quotes on her body. she is going to do the walk of shame with snookie on her forehead.
She somehow inhaled a tack last night, she's having surgery today.
I was just stopped at a stop sign waiting for the moon to turn green.
...if you're living vicariously thought me, that was a great blow job you just gave in the B&N parking lot.
stef broke her leg trying to vault over the coffee table. these olympics drinking games are going to fucking kill us
Your dress got me laid by one of Obama's Secret Service members. Patriotic duty, check.
N I'm drinking this invention I call "do-it-fluid" I had a bottle of vodka that was 3/4th empty, so I put in 1/4th rum, 1/4th tequila, 1/4th whisky... it's definitely the worst idea ever..
I made out with a guy because he ate a grape lollipop and he tasted delicious... not my proudest moment.
Probably gonna run and pray I throw up. Then go get a coffee/bagel & continue to rally
Just had a customer call his drug dealer in front of me but act like it was normal call.
Randomize
