The ticket read "Found nude in a tree"
so the guy who showed me the apt today is now texting me and asking me out for drinks...he's at least 20 yrs oldr than me and highlights his hair, but part of me is wondering how low i can talk him down in rent during sex? wrong?
Maybe i should go to church more so i can meet girls like in that song, you know, the ones that act slutty on every day but sunday...
ah, so the catholic church. i gotcha
my dad just beat the shit out of me cuz i blew my nose on one of my dirty t shirts and he saw it and thought it was cum.
he's from indiana, of course he's clueless about "g-spots"
he came in the shower with me...i thought it was going to be nice and romantic...until he started peeing on my leg.
Slow dancing with the chandelier.
she just called me the flavor packet to her ramen noodles. get me the fuck out of here.
I'm pretty sure the guy in front of me at Walmart doesn't have good plans. It's one am he is buying a flash light and black bandanna
If it makes you feel any better... I have a friend who found out her mom was in the video for 2 Live Crew's "Pop That Pussy"
I have good news and bad news. Bad news, she's not in porn. Good news, I found porn.
Yeah but you let me touch your butt. You're clearly the winner.
I'm somewhere between crying and wanting to orgasm.
I'm just going to assume my unresponsive booty calls are just preparing for the women's march tomorrow
Had phone sex with my boss who I still haven’t seen in person. How’s your Monday ?
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