if you call bong hits and onion rings a party, then yeah
the cop asked for your social security number and you gave her your high school locker combo
i can't believe i had a foursome before a threesome
His best friend walked in while we were banging, turned on the light, yelled BURN, grabbed his computer to play the Thunderstruck drinking game, turned off the light and left.
I just scrubbed chocolate off the bathtub... You better have had a damn good birthday
I really appreciate you zipping up my pants at the bar. You didn't even ruin my Bermuda triangle.
I just want a pillowcase full of fast food so I can eat and sleep this hangover away
arnt you supposed to become a mature adult when you move out of your parents house?
Moving out doesnt mean I'm mature, it means I can make pancakes and bacon at 3 in the morning and no one can judge me.
he told me "apparently my gag reflex doesn't work so if you magically grew a penis I would deep throat you"
Jäger goes great with personal crises and receding morals...
Like a gentleman I waited until you were done vomming to start my Big Mac.
The tamale guy is fucking with me, I wanna sleep in he wakes me up; early wake-n-bake and he's late and I'm hungry
Just saw Little Red Riding Hood riding a guy on hood of a car
Good for her for committing to the costume
As much as I hate to admit it, some day ill need a man because I can't open jars myself and you can't 69 a dildo
Like I don't even know how to respond to this?
no no no no you can't just say your dirtiest secret is "i sat on goldfish by accident once" and just leave i have QUESTIONS
AT LEAST TELL ME IF THE GOLDFISH WAS STILL IN A BOWL??????????????
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