Do you not remember dry humping your dog for 20 minutes at oxfest dude?
put your party hat on. and by party hat I mean no panties
If you want to dance with a less than stellar Asian chick, I have just the girl for you.
Hit a parked car with a "property of Jesus Christ" bumper sticker. Wrote out five hail mary's and left it on the windshield.
No need to clean the puke on the driveway. The squirrel is eating it up.
I don't remember much but I know I looked hot.
I'm actually agreeing with glenn beck. What the FUCK was in that margarita?!
APPARENTLY giving your friend one of your shoes so that you avoid the no shoes no service rule makes you drunk...
He did a line, told me my hair looked pretty against the background of the clouds, and then we fucked. Good afternoon
If I had to give her an idea on what it means to be ur date I would compare it to being Ralph macchio's gf in the first karate kid... That's one of the coolest things I've ever said... I love drugs.
we're driving around with this really dirty (unclean and inappropriate) 60 year old ex-san quintin con named old skool d that my brother knows and hes bringing us to get weed. what is montana?
Double vision is so hot when a big dick is in sight. Thank you Bud Light.
If there's so much of a hint of a whisper from somebody I didn't tell personally, I will cut off your balls with a chainsaw, cauterize the wound with a flaming rusty spoon, feed your balls to your dog, and feed them to you when he shits them out, capiche?
Next year for Halloween you can be the sword swallower, with a penis shaped sword.
Can I just keep holy water in the night stand next to the vibrator?
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