if your leaving for the weekend then im farting on your pillow
She said her name was "party"
its like she was born with a silver dick in her mouth
What?? I'm covered in blood at the hospital, I atleast deserve a pic of someones boobs
Just talked to Kate. She said I called her on Friday night. She said I was crying for 5 minutes because we were parked in front of a fire hydrant.
Yes. Be the home wrecker you've always dreamed of being.
They had their heads out of the car singing the wrong words to the national anthem as we drove through traffic of people leaving the fireworks. AMURICA
This stranger told me I should "start playing for the other team" and then continued to talk to me about the joys of being a lesbian
What happened with the girl wasn't a gay thing. It was just a mutual respect and want for sex. The guys just weren't there.
Call it what you want. You fucked a girl.
Since when do you jog?
Since hot shirtless guy that lives across the street jogs
It's pretty telling that my resolutions all involve who I will sleep with in 2014.
It's important to play to your strengths.
THE CEO RESPONDED TO THE MEMO WITH HIS "UNICORN" EMAIL ADDRESS AND NOW HE'S APOLOGIZING TO EVERYONE FOR USING HIS PERSONAL EMAIL AT WORK.
Do they still have sex clubs in San Francisco? Because that'd be an interesting way to spend Easter.
I can't believe I got dumped for a fat chick, but at least I got four and a half years worth of free shit. So we can call it even.
So not only did I get laid today but I also left with a 42” tv lol
Randomize
