i left the bar a little after you and ended up flipping my car in the arbys drive thru
...So a 6 ft tall drag queen in heels I would kill for just told me I have a dunkable ass. I'm confused...but I'll take any compliment I can.
just watched paranormal activity stoned. laughed the whole time and screamed when they turned on the lights. eating doritos. I love my life
He had in his status he loved beating off and tagged his wife. another reason facebook should be for college.
I asked you if you were ok and you said "dude I'm fine, I'm in the recovery position"
No. I do not want to discuss your lesbian tendencies with my sister.
She still started it.
Biggest penis I've ever pity fucked
I'm warming McDonald's pies on my heater cause I'm too high for the microwave.
I just masterbated to the home shopping channel...what have I become...
I tried sex in a car once. It was like trying to do yoga in a drainage pipe with your arms and legs tied while using a typewriter with your penis.
I will 100% jerk off using my own tears as lube before I'd ever bang a 4.
I'm just hoping that with all the times he's puked in my yard a mushroom field might grow.
I told him I hooked up with his best friend. And then he ate me out. I'm just THAT GOOD.
I hate waking up to a room that reeks of bad decisions...
Drunk man just fell out of said wheelchair
Randomize
