We got so high yesterday we tried watching soccer
you started whispering 'the itsy bitsy spider' while you were putting your hands up my shorts.
The last thing I remember is stabbing him with his diabetes medicine
This is your typical drubkba Amy test. Shout out to jisus for auto correct
Although I would ideally cut back on smoking weed, imagine what getting high and looking for our spirit animals would be like
He kept telling me Te Amo last night. Over and over. And that he was scared. Drunkenly. In Spanish.
When you left the bar, you did two cartwheels and a heel click and RAN ALL THE WAY HOME.
There is someone out there for you right now. And we will find her. Or him. Her. Her, we'll start with tits.
I was chasing disarono with Bacardi and watching ice cube movies. It would have been an epic birthday if I wasn't by myself and actually had some decent friends.. Hint. Asshole.
After my second liter of German beer, nothing D-cup or larger is safe near me.
I signed the divorce papers. Can I get a blowjob now?
Personally, I'm gonna be Sexy Dobby the House Elf.
I ask for a dick pic and he sends a picture of Dick Cheney. Who does that?
Now with the essential back story, I can empathize. Sorry about your beer and butthole.
I'm going to preface tonight by saying that I'm sorry for tequila, shopping carts, and having to chase me.
Randomize
