I literally made his dick bleed. How the fuck do you think it went?
frozen peaches as icecubes. vodka Sundays just got wayyyy better
All i remember was he was wearing billibong pants... well actually my mom found that out for me.
I'm graduating. Then you'll never see me again.
We better fuck soon then
He threw up. He never throws up. It was like finding out superman cant fly anymore. I was so sad for him.
She told me my dick looked like a baby seal wrapped in a sleeping bag.
Just got kicked out of two hot tubs. We were naked the second time. So awkward getting out in front of the security guard.
Today is a wonderful day to be mildly hungover
Idk she didn't seem that weird to me but I had just eaten an entire tray of jello infused with liquor so I could be wrong...
THE CEO RESPONDED TO THE MEMO WITH HIS "UNICORN" EMAIL ADDRESS AND NOW HE'S APOLOGIZING TO EVERYONE FOR USING HIS PERSONAL EMAIL AT WORK.
5 hours of volunteer work playing with puppies and banned from the frat I hate most as 'punishment'... Besides the ER trip, I'm not seeing the bad in this situation
My goal in life is to ruin sex for someone. To be so mindblowingly unreal that they can never find anyone like me ever again. So far it's going well.
jusy threw up in the airport bathroom. I am no longer thankful for fireball.
then a garbage truck rolls up to the club, they hop out, and walk right in like they own the place
PSA Do not blow dry your junk.
Randomize
