So she stayed over last night and slept walked in to my moms room where she used the bathroom and then proceeded to get in bed with my moms naked boyfriend. So yeah, at least now my family got to meet her.
he said he didn't have a condom.
and you said?
that that's fine cause i was ready to be a mom. yeah - he magically had a condom he forgot about after that.
ugh.. my birth control just came out of my nose. wtf?
I need a leather bustier to keep them in.
Too kinky for 11:30am. Stop that.
Arguably, the best part was cockblocking those squirrels.
my mom told me that she didn't count me in the census because im a waste of life anyway.
it was one of those movies netflix should have sent weed with
Despite what happened tonight, Im still expecting Jesus birthday sex
I'm doing somethin that's never been done before...the 10 am booty call come over
Turns out the old man beside me in the waiting room was dead, but other then that it was a good day.
Right now he's sitting in the chair pointing to me to go away. He's trying to have quiet time with his penis.
Remember that girl that we found passed out in the dorm study room under a pile of money and jimmy johns wrappers? She's standing right on front of me.
Evvvvvveryone knows we hooked up in the DJ booth. People call it the BJ booth now. I've created a legacy
Do not tell guys at bars about kittens you rescue. They will walk away.
So far in 2016 I told someone id give them a blowjob for lasagna.
Randomize
