i dont nkow, theres a guy slesping next to me and im wearing 8 tsthirts? wtf happened last night? will you come get me.
i think im in thre room next to you
It's like having an annoying little brother who wants to have sex with you
My social work teacher just told our class about her bicurios adventures in college
is she hot?
She is now
Is it sad that I find it completely normal that I just took batteries out of a vibrator to put them in a pencil sharpener so I could do homework?
I find this completely acceptable.
Can you check your dirty laundry bag for my tooth.
I'm sober in pajamas at a bar. Nothing is ok about that statement.
Just saw my bank statement. It literally goes liquor store pizza place liquor store pizza place bar bar bar liquor store pizza place 711 for snacks withdrawl for drugs rinse and repeat
she fucked me tho cuz it was her cat's birthday. As soon as we were done she just says "ahhh tequila tuesdays"
true friends will drive 3 hours to come smoke a couple blunts with you on the bridge where your car broke down
When you're looking for your panties tomorrow, you traded them for a blunt on the train.
Yeah I blacked out in a wiener costume.... I think I'm ready to come home now.
Thank god I work in a lab. This pinkeye is out of control and my safety glasses are the only thing stopping me from digging at my eye with a pen
To be honest. I have two poptarts in my jacket pockets. No one knows. I am pro stealth.
I got horny for like a second but the eggplant snapped me out of it
This is very awkward but where is my dildo, Mom
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