so i was creeping on him today and there was like nothing new except he became a fan of getting dome
i wish i could be like. "i like giving dome, lets be friends"
If I were a hot girl. I'd whore around, I'd be awesome.
im so drunk with asians
where?
always
now there's a facebook group for all the people whose lives i've ruined
words cant express how excited I am to make January 1st our own personal version of The Hangover
and now I know what throwing up pineapple chunks is like.
Yeah, we had those soaking in vodka for like 36 hours
outstanding.
You guessed 7 of 8 bra sizes correctly. You're like a drunk rainman.
Just watched a guy puke off his bike. Beyond impressed. He didn't even swerve
I don't give a damn about what he wants to do with his life. Personalities are for pussies.
He was so drunk and proud of his 6-month-gym-results he actually made me touch his whole naked body.
I'll admit it. It was a bad idea to sneak a fart out while she was taking a nap. Can you bring me a pair of underwear from my dresser. Preferably the one with the walruses in party hats one.
You know you're stoned when you tell your dog you're stoned only to realise he's not in the pickup
Just learned that the cute guy I've been flirting with at the beach this whole time is actually an inmate working in the community instead of being in prison.. My life is unreal
the girls would appreciate it if you invited over some drunk, single, straight men with low standards.
I just wanna fuck your brother. Sorry if thats a crime.
Randomize
