She wouldn't stop telling me the story of the penis and how she got laid.
I got a 69.7 in accounting. I have this whole doing the bare minimum down to a science
Not a single person will look me in the eye. Last night must've been bad.
We don't need a hotel, we'll just sleep in the post office.
Its what happens when I drink whiskey in a sweater. It makes me feel mature and ponderful.
I'd tell u there's strippers to make you get here faster, but that would be a blatant lie... There's strippers here.
He'd rather cuddle with his shitty little miniature dog than the half naked girl in his bed. I've lost all hope for him and my vagina
It's amazing the amount I can accomplish with a glass of wine in my hand.
So I should just walk in, look him in the eye and say, "I just came to fuck your brother, nice to meet you" and just walk to your room.
I also need to get my life together but instead I just eat spoonfuls of Nutella. We can't win 'em all
He lit a shoe on fire and tried putting it out by peeing on it
Maybe if I ever do become a counselor, I would just implement a kind of intensive meme therapy.
I am not walking across campus just to give you a blow job in the hopes that in return i can study more efficiently.
Getting blackout drunk infront of my family was never on my bucket list, but now that I've done it I'm cool with it.
They stopped fighting to partake in M&Ms and porn.
Randomize
