I just saw a neon sign in a bar window that says, "open to Public" but the L is burnt out.
I just foul balled at work. I had taken off my coat too… had to go to the sink wash my hands then go back to the stall and pick up my coat. I hope the guy shitting in the stall next to me didn’t figure out what happened.
my fart just smelled so bad i acutally gagged
just because you are now my girlfriend does not mean you can text me nasty shit
I may or may not have just visibly given him head in front of three young children and their mom. They all looked mortified.
I think we should make a list of challenges so that when stuff like that happens, we can check it off. Like a scavenger hunt for hoes.
Got to see someone fall down the stairs while holding hot coffee and a folder full of papers. Best Monday ever.
A hangover is a type of food poisoning. Makes me feel better about calling out of work.
It was good I woke up with my mattress on top of me. I walked around naked the whole night as people wished my Happy Birthday.
The strip club called, they have your shoe.
He's not so smart and obsessed with sex and lacks listening comprehension skills. I feel like i'm dating a sexually competent sesame street character.
Currently trying to figure out if the guy has a cane next to me or brought a weird dildo to the bar
Are u guys proud? I puked my brains out last night at a strip club. While my two fave strippèrs held my hair
You blew him?!?!
*Am blowing
And I keep taking breaks to write you back, please stop replying.
i just love the holidays, i hotboxed a gingerbread house last night
Sex in a hot air balloon, top that one!
I used the line "you don't have enough pillows". Then left. Thought you should know.
Randomize
