Next weekend I am getting a library card and staying my whore ass home.
We can get Dustin to help us. I think he'd be good at luring girls into a dark alley.
omg. he's a virgin strip club employee who's going to college on a ping pong scholarship. this is unreal.
while being fingered today, I was told I have an abnormally deep g-spot. Now you know, I am a size queen because of SCIENCE.
i don't think i ever formally apologized for that time i threw up on your dog.... well...here it is...
For the record, saying you're friends with the owner doesn't work when the owner is the one throwing you out.
This is the most scared i've been of my hands since i did shrooms.
So... Sorry I threw that watermelon at you the other day. I didn't think it would break any bones.
I just had a full choir singing the phrase pudding cup in my head. Too. Stoned.
Would it be inappropriate to trade Christmas cookies for sex?
I'm gonna get drunk in the shower and yell at my parents during dinner. Have fun in Texas.
I could be busy drinking my face off and getting red white and bruised per usual
I ate icecream cake off your tits for my birthday, if that's not love I don't know what is.
YOU DONT EAT A GIRL OUT AND THEN GO PUKE ASSHOLE
Is there any reason why a taxidermic donkey head is in the shower?
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