she looked like the bat from fern gully.
that would be two times in a week with two different guys.
they have the same name so it only counts as one guy right?
ITS DAYLIGHT SAVINGS TIME SUNDAY EVERYTHING IS GOING TO BE OK AFTER ALL
This is the 4th time we've hooked up, and this morning we woke up, he got out of bed and left. Left me alone in his apartment with 3 of his friends. Without even a word. Why do i like this guy?
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You are number one in my heart. But in the dick Olympics you're disqualified.
Dude that girl I hooked up with Tuesday is in lecture. I told her I was from the Dominican visiting my cousin and was leaving the next day. Hiding under my hood and hangover.
Just made a list of all the guys I've hooked up with. "Roofie tattoo eyelids", "xanex night guy", "rainy concert", "cory blanket" and "naked hottub guy" made it.
Apparently he took me home and I pulled up my senior pictures on fbook and made him guess what I was thinking during each different pose.
There's a very drunk Asian strawberry shortcake crying on the curb next to my truck. I'm not really sure what standard protocol is for this situation.
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I had to hypnotize my roommate last night so there's that.
Dude, no, you tried to sleep on the stove. I mean. You were pissed when I stopped you... but I couldn't have you catching on fire in my house.
I haven’t taken my socks off in over 36 hours. I should add that to my bumble profile.
Had phone sex with my boss who I still haven’t seen in person. How’s your Monday ?
Just saw a commercial for non alcoholic baileys cream. WHAT THE HELL IS THE POINT?!
Of course he’s picking me up at the airport. I taught him the Lotus position last time we had sex.
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