i blew a .213 what kind of thug blows the compton area code exactly? this guy
apparently i was offering everyone ambien and shouting, it's only like heath ledger if you want it to be!
the party was called freshmen disorientation. i was just following the theme
You mailed him a break up letter, because you thought the "joy of receiving a letter" would ease the pain of you dumping him.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just went outside to gather hail to use to make margaritas since we ran out of ice. That's God's way of helping us out.
and if my full six pack comes in by Halloween there is no stopping the man slut costume. I have no shame
There were four people in the car. The girls sure know how to blow. I think we almost crashed when the driver climaxed.
Woke up the day after the party with a bruise on my stomach. Pretty sure my liver was trying to escape for fear of it's life.
"I'm in the bathroom. Only place I can sit and relax without that girl trying to give me a lap dance."
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's getting harder and harder to find People to carry her home
She shouldn't drink
Captain America stopped by our tailgate. He ate a taco.
It's 1:26 and I have already found 5 fruit flies between 3 separate glasses of wine. This is supposed to be a summer problem. Fucking global warming.
The fact that I can sew my leggings while intoxicated proves I'm a functioning alcoholic
I had a dream I got back with Amanda. And then cheated on her the same day. Even my conscious is a dick
He's hot, clean, can actually cook, and best of all isn't a narcissistic prick. I found a unicorn.
Ride that fucker.
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