we are at a mexican restaurant and the tv is playing mexican porn. dad won't stop watching.
yeah she is the one who tells people i beat girls.. which ironically make me want to punch her in the face
it was the worst sex ever in the history of sex. i mean ever. and he thought he was great. actually told me he was the best id ever had...what was i supposed to say? lol...i've had better times by myself. seriously.
Hello, balls-out mistake. It's been a while.
I may or may not have slept in someones apt on your street because they told me I was fun sized like a mini snickers
Some one left their pants in the elevator.
I tried really hard to get you laid last night. And by that I mean I asked a bunch of dudes if they were top or bottom.
There were 11 girls in that minivan and everyone was either puking, crying, or yelling "we're a total shit show"
Oh, and she's that dumb bitch that goes out in public in full make up and sweats with uggs. I hope she falls face first in a bowl of queso and drowns
He's gotta be able to drive a truck, make me mac n cheese and give me the best orgasms. That's my perfect man
I had one glass of wine then passed out for 4 hours. It's like I'm having a quarter-life crisis.
Dude, I work in two hours. Unless you can find Chris Hemsworth and convince him to have a three-way with us, I'm not getting out of bed.
Dude, putting on underwear straight out of the dryer is the greatest thing ever. It feels like I wrapped my vagina in a warm blanket.
Only thing that feels right is being horizontal in the fetal position
Should I bring my 4 pairs of bunny ears? Or is that too weird?
4 pairs might be a bit much
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