I may or may not have slept in someones apt on your street because they told me I was fun sized like a mini snickers
Dude, I just saw a sixteen year old girl in a catholic school uniform buying a pregnancy test... With a coupon!
The best thing he's ever done for me was comment on my profile picture saying "hello boner"
He just went up to bed, still drunk from last night, carrying a pear, a pipe, and an unopened bottle of wine. I think he'll be fine.
we used the bottom of a tampon for coke since no one had a 20 on them. My life has resisted to this.
If I end up married to you I better get lots of orgasms to help me forget I failed at life.
You started throwing frozen shot glasses at people and you kept saying "it's fine, they melt."
he forgot we were at my place and not his so he tried kicking me out of my own apartment by saying "so, you can go whenever you want...."
All you kept saying was, " Barack fucking Obama. FUCK Michelle" and then you motorboated me.
Fell asleep in the library, woke up because I almost let out a sleep fart. That was close.
my cockatiel has aquired a taste for beer. I should not be allowed to own exotic pets.
Good luck getting that all cat food off in the shower dumbass
Who wakes up at 9 and says "let me send a pic of my dick to my ex gf"
I haven't answered because I haven't figured out a polite way of saying fuck no
Is it weird to invite your FWB to thanksgiving dinner??
Randomize