He like poked it twice with the tip of his tongue then left it alone. I'm sad.
woke up to an unread text message i sent to myself: "brreakfdast..pork and ice cream."
My financial aid advisors would be so pissed if they knew I was spending my loan money on strippers
apparently 20 random guys watched the process of me being carried on a mattress through the dorms
Nothing says "I'm a sorority girl" like puking at 830 in the am, wearing my anti-hazing pin, and getting ready for a tea party.
I know I'm not the first to fuck in a park but i deserve props for doing it at 3pm. On a sunny day might I add.
First day of class and I'm in a bar drinking pitcher #3. Foreshadowing?
He took a picture with a naked dude. I think he just walked out of that deep ginger closet.
Just remembered I railed lines while holding a puppy
You seemed underwhelmed by my smooth, smooth ass
Anybody can graduate from college sober. You try it while being stoned every day for the last three years. 2.75 baby.
I took the beard trimmer to my balls this morning.\nMuch blood. Much blood from my scrotum.
Just got home, my brothers stoned and he got a high score on COD.. He just asked me if I wanted to have a celebrational yogurt with him. Wtf?
I know she’s pissed I fucked her husband, but I didn’t know he was married until after I blew him at Legoland
Shhh embrace your inner whore. Just embrace it.
Randomize
