the doormen always congratulate him in spanish as he walks me downstairs in the morning
may or may not have recieved head in the car before we came in.
First straight guy ever blown in a Prius. Congrats.
We should probably avoid doing this again, but hey it was a nice one time thing to tell the grandkids about... Hopefully they don't end up being YOUR grandkids.
you kept telling her you'd make a great step-dad while cuddling her and rubbing her back...
Hey. Whatever time u wake up let me know Ur alive. I need my vegas partner... I don't think they let u take corpses on a plane.
You know what, I don't care that I got too drunk and didn't make it into the boat party. If I had, I probably wouldn't have peed on you later while we soundly slept. I feel you need that in a best friendship.
I actually took a sword out of your hands. You were samurai slashing lemons to make chasers.
So the first 4 hours of my morning was equivalent to seeing under water. Things were starting to get better until I remember I drank mustard for free stuff and flossed my teeth with a strand of hair from a stranger in the bathroom.
I ran into a hotel and told the doorman he was doing a great job. That was before you cried on my jacket.
My condoms might be a little big for you but hey, a big sweater is better than no sweater at all when it's cold right?
I lost half a toenail and didn't realize it. Bloody shoe shoulda been a clue.
I have feelings that need drinking.
If everything else in my life fails, at least I just had one of my top orgasms
I don't think I'll get invited back. I drunkenly told her that her kids would be perfect for a pro-abortion campaign.
Get here now. I need a drinking buddy. I don't care if you're in a different timezone, it'll be five o clock here faster.
Randomize
