Take a Tylenol with a HUGE glass of water before you pass out, you'll thank me in the morning.
i dony have tylonal but i had a snickers and popcorn and a bottle of water and i am.. brushing my teeth!
she calls it her "sourpuss" because everyone makes that face when they see it.
I was curling my hair today and I looked at my curling iron and thought...
You at least unplugged it right?
she was stuffing dove chocolates in my mouth while giving me a blow job. GOD I LOVE VALENTINES DAY
i just woke up to 15 people singing a whole new world
Congratulations, you fucked a nickle into me.
Um I think everyone drunk and there's some douche on violin.
Just had a random flashback of you tickling some guy's nipple with your claw ring, and then him moaning and stripping in the middle of the bar. You give good memories.
MY roomie made me a chinese name- it's supposed to mean 'the girl of a thousand sins.'
I'm too socially awkward and sexually frustrated to get through this evening sober.
All I know is that I woke up with glitter all over me and blood on my shoes. It wasn't my blood.
I think my ball sweat smells like waffle house. might be time to change up drunken eating habits
You're officially the most high maintenance man I've ever had inside me.
so he's a sleeptalker.
yeah??
"Mitochondria is the powerhouse of the cell" right in my ear. 2 am.
The sex was totally worth how awkward its gonna be for the next few weeks
Randomize
