I puked in the pool and didn't tell them, then they all went swimming. Is it dick to just sit back and enjoy the show?
Correct me if I'm wrong here... but did we serenade each others breasts to "winds of change" last night?
That's what happens when you park you car under a perfectly good balchony I can puke off of
Yeah well margarita Wednesday already came twice this week and it's just now Wednesday
we were totes just talking about. huu in the bathbub. 5 girlszzz
Showing up at the grocery store at 5am to have the clerk sprint to the condom cabinet waiving the keys because you told him to hurry it was an emergency
They're pole dancing on a handicap sign post.
A giant panda just asked me for a cigarette and said "man pandas gotta smoke too." There is something wrong with this place.
He said I kept trying to give him directions back to my house in Rhode Island, and that I started crying when he told me I live in Phoenix.
You should have. Partying with 60 year olds and batman is so much better than partying with bitches our age.
I'm so busy i barely have time to have sex with myself. I have to talk myself into it like an old married couple.
6 pack came off in the shower. Sharpie is not forever.
I made an executive decision to rename my Resume file to something other than MONEYMONEYMONEY.
My life is over, I got a mugshot while wearing a shirt that said 'milf hunter'.
You’ve seen my tits of course he broke his wedding vows
Randomize
