I just convinced a girl to drink my spit cup cuz I said it was dark beer and would get her drunk faster. I dare you to try something better.
just came on the shower curtain. sorry housekeeping.
Nick just found a baggie of 3 year old shrooms in his desk drawer and downed it all with cheap white wine. I am not on vomit duty tonight.
just spent about 3 1/2 hours looking for a dollar so I can buy weed.
suggestion: become a stripper.
How much would it be to rent out Gus Johnson so he can announce our flip cup games?
after taking her first shot and having her first random hook up she finally feels like she is ready for college
she has no idea
He likes Jesus. Game over.
Oooh wait, he just told me he was high.
He caught a squirrel with his bare hands twice. Where do you find these people?
I left you pizza on the porch. I didn't want to wake you, if you were passed out on the bathroom floor again. Sorry if it's cold.
Dude this stripper just dry humped the settings off my phone. She earned that dollar
3 things. 1) we need alcohol 2) we need alcohol 3) we need tortilla chips. Let's make a plan. Bro shakes and salsa.
FUCK YOU. AH. FUCK BOTH OF US MORE BOOZE.
MAS TEQUILA.
If it's up to me, I'll already have my pants on and walking out before he gets soft afterward.
I woke up in an apt hallway this morning and a nice lady brought me coffee cause she thought I was homeless
Handcuffed our DD to a naked stripper don't think he will try to sneak out
He can pick locks you know
That's the reason for the naked stripper
Randomize
