you'll never believe how fucking awesome rain man is when you're stoned.
I just did the classiest thing ever.
last time you said that you got chlamydia.
The reason halloween exists is because it's not cheating if you're wearing a costume.
Elton John & Lady Gaga just did a duet on the Grammies. How appropriate. He likes cock & she happens to have one.
There's a very real possibility that I'll wake up in your uncle's driveway.
i have 90 minutes to kick this food poisoning or josh's first experience with buttsex will be his last
Still want to know how you got back last night? Two Campus Security Officers carried you in around 430. Your pants were around your ankles.
I hate Sailor Jerry.
In less than 24 hrs I went from conversing with Nobel Laureate, to hangover vomiting in front of a drive thru cashier
By the taste of his semen he isnt vegetarian and therefore lied to me to take me home on a brighter note i stole his fondue set
I'm watching a man in drag spread food products on his face my life is spiraling out of control.
Zach, it's Lisa from work. Was that you yeiling BALLS DEEP at me on I-25 or is it just something about me that invites that from rando creeps?
I told my therapist about the other night and he actually whistled and said "wow that is not good."
Yes but I said "let's get a dog" not a drunk human so some rules will be established this evening
Oh you mean the girl that gave me a black eye when I told her I liked her fake eyelashes?
You kept saying “keke” over and over so I slapped you then you proceeded to ask if I loved you. In case you’re wondering why you have a black eye - Lauren
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