just threw the rents a curveball by making french toast and bacon when i came home sober. good luck tellin when im high/drunk now.
At least we kept it together. It's people like him who yell at bushes that give acid a bad name
Monday: I just need a drink Tuesday: OMG no more this week! Wednesday: oh shit how'd I get drunk Thursday: I'm glad you've stopped the pretenses
My liver is crying. And I feel like I got fingered by Edward Scissorhands. While he was wearing brass knuckles
We 6 way cheers-ed with French fries last night, hammered, in the booth.
By the way, just opened the browser on my phone for the first time today... And it was it the "images" section of "who invented ass fucking"
So thanks for that
Well, I'm hung over and my penis hurts - two signs of success
He ended up buying the equivalent of dinner at a Mexican place, in weed
Dougie got over his pride nerves. Found him dancing on a float wearing nothing but rainbow boxers.
I like to oil my gears with cheap vodka and strangers
He took me out to dinner to tell me we had to stop fucking so randomly
Honestly wish he pleased me as much as queso does
Heard flapping noises behind me. It was my roommate flapping her bathrobe like wings, saying "I'm a faaaiiiiry."
Decided to smoke a bowl in my closet while my parents are gone. Just sat in the closet because I couldn't remember how to get out. Started panicking cuz I thought they were gonna show up... Checked my phone. It's been 4 minutes.
I wonder if the sex shop has any Black Friday deals.
So she was amazing, that's what. Idk if it was the blow or the blowjob, but both my heads are still tingling.
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