another moral hangover. fuck.
I know its time to do laundry... i cant even find a dirty sock to wear because they all have jizz in them
I haven't been this sober since birth.
Just walked by a yard full of girls wearing bikinis. I did my best to stare.
i was staring at it trying to desperately see a vagina
i drunkenly decided i was going to take down all the male cheerleaders, gay or not. 1 down about 10 more to go.
This is the moment in my life where I take a fork in the "nice guy" road ive traveled for 23 years and fuck everything in sight that doesnt have herpes, or is in-between flare ups and I don't know about it until my dick is on fire.
We got caught having sex in the bathroom by my professor. In accordance with tradition, we still brofisted. I think my grade went up considerably.
We hit a golf ball off Brady's ass. His dignity flew away into the night.
We were basically fucking on the dance floor. People kept buying us drinks. It really only encouraged us.
Let's have sex in an apple orchard
We can't shop at Hobby Lobby anymore. They don't like Plan B which basically runs through our veins.
So stoned that I pressed the unlock button on my car keys to walk into my bedroom...
He's nice to look at and knows the difference between your and you're. I win.
I think I'm taking after my dog, I just want to hump everything
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