Dude, we have the same penis size. Best friends for life.
I play with my boobs when I'm bored. I playwith my nipples whe I'm drunk
You threw up. And every time you flushed you would wave and go "Bye Bye!" and then when the new water came you would greet it with "Helloooo!"
Are you seriously gonna shit with that life vest on?
He scratched off my spray tan. Literal nail marks down my back. Can't imagine what's underneath his fingernails.
I'm not drunk enough to eat silly string
Apparently you can talk a girl into leaving the bar and coming back to your tent, who knew?
You're the only true friend I have, if true friendship is based off who would be there for me at 4am during a boxed wine crisis.
Can I bring home a duck? Dead serious
I figured it out. If I have at least 4 shots of vodka before I start my day, EVERY day will be a good day.
I made my own utility belt like Batman. It has a cup holder for my beer, cell phone holder, a little pocket for condoms, and a sewing kit just in case.
there are no losers in shot checkers. only winners.
You ran into the tattoo shop screaming PIERCE MY TITIES
i just had to ask the gas station attendant what state i was in... winning at life.
im in missouri by the way.
Heyyyy, naked guy in your kitchen, can i ask you a quick question about a legal situation in pb??
Randomize
