I just came so hard I farted. Twice. Thank God I'm alone.
he saw my "i like bacon" magnet on the fridge and i told him how much i love meat, then we started making out
what a beautiful fairy tale
literally followed a trail of condoms to the bus stop this morning. Ahh modern-day bread crumbs
So recap time do u remember biting that girls hand?
I think I actually have rug burn on my eye.
you had me at cake vodka
Last I remember we played rock paper scissors for who would fuck the guy with cowboy boots on and I won..
She yelled "taste the gay rainbow" in a biker bar. She's either brave or fuckin stupid.
I would just like to go ahead and accept my slut of the year award.
It's like 10 times better than an Oscar
I made out with drunk Joe Dirt and then put his mullet wig on for him. True Halloween romance.
You would think a husband, a boyfriend, and a vibrator would be enough. But sadly it's not
I made out with a guy so that I could get ahead in the bathroom line, totally acceptable
My mom has a bong in her bathroom, but no air freshener.
WHO TURNS DOWNA FRESHLY WAXED VAGINA IN A MAIDS COSTUME LITERALLY LAYING IN YOUR BED
well true... there's not a real discreet way to masturbate in public
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