I woke up this morning with I hate myself feeling
Def slept AT the bar last night, wow that's a first!
I cant. I'm trying to smell my vagina.
No we didn't have sex. I got my period on his finger.
My biology professor just used the phrase "dick fairy" in a sentence. No, it didn't make more sense in context.
I find it ironic that im starting my birth control on mothers day.
There comes a time in a man's life when he's almost thirty he just needs to stop watching Degrassi. This is that time.
we turned his baptism video into a drinking game
There were midgets. And vodka. If you don't appreciate the awesomeness of that sentence, read it again.
We found him in the neighbors shed using a bicycle as a blanket. We just left him there.
Fate is real! that hot chick, Megan just showed up dressed as jasmine and I'm dressed as Aladdin this is going to be cake
The band last night was really good
That was definitely karaoke. Guess that answers my follow up question on how drunk you were.
i was thinking shit as she was saying it. it was a sarcasm time loop
So red wine goes with eggs, right? Because that's all I have in the house to cook and the drinking options are either wine or scotch
Hey how're your balls?
Don't ever let me helicopter again.
Randomize
