Get out of your relationship and into my pants.
i crushed up some extenze and put them in his protein powder - should make for an interesting gym experience
well when mom kept referring to my "black hole of a vagina" and how i devoured all the nuts at the party like i was a pro, i figured my stay was up.
I feel like I shouldn't be doing my banking stoned. But I bought a new bowl. Her name is Sharpe. Pronounced Shar-Pay.
You NEED to fuck him he's a doctor with one leg. Are you kidding me right now. This will definitely make the list. Plus he buys all of us drinks.
i know i said i'd always be there for you, but i'm beginning to think that what you call "being there for me" the american judicial system calls reckless endangerment.
BEST FEELING EVER: Standing in a hot fucking shower, while super baked, while eating a cookie.
You eat cookies in the shower?
I just want to pat him on the head, bake him some cookies, and reassure him that, someday, he will get laid.
dude there's a blind guy on the trail using his service dog to hit on girls.
It's Scottsdale, it shouldn't be this hard to find drugs.
I feel bad for her. If you sacrifice and have a chubby husband I feel that you assume he's not going to cheat on you....
You thought her boot was a stray dog in your house..
My favorite part was when you kept telling everyone you were being "green" by drinking straight out of the bottle so u weren't wasting a cup.
I can't be sure but I think I slept with a clown last night...
Anything special planned for Valentines Day?
Does testing the strength of my coworker’s marriage count?
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