we were holding hands throwing up into the same garbage can; if thats not true love i dont know what is .
Just made a photo collage of the girls I've hooked up with this summer. I'm patting myself on my back right now
And we should impose a 'friends don't let friends order 25 shots at last call' rule
at this point every shot is just a haymaker to my liver
Do you think it'd be inappropriate to have an I'm Not Keeping My Baby Party the day after her baby shower?
While running home from the bar in high heels I multi- tasked and sexted with Brent. Jesus.
You showed up at 4 a.m with two middle-aged men, a 200 dollar bottle of wine, three bottles of beer, no shoes on, and a half eaten red velvet cake.You are never drinking absinthe again.
And it was in that moment when I realized that these high schoolers looked up to me and that I should set a good example. So I stole a casserole and left.
I mean I only got hit in the ass with ONE firework
The Australian strangers convinced me to leave him behind when they started chanting Aussie Aussie Aussie, Oy Oy Oy, and told me they had a bunch of beer at their place.
she paid $15 and a box of cheerios for their acid
He wants to buy us a microwave. Clearly the man is going to fix my life.
It's not "nice." It's the supermodel of dicks.
I don’t know whether to call out sick or call in drunk
By the way, you're like fucking spiderman. I've never seen someone climb out of a car window that fast and eloquently.
Randomize
