There I was staring at a teeny weeny black one and a huge white one. It was like an episode of Myth Busters
If you fool around, take the WHITE sweatshirt off of her first. It's mine, and I don't like your cum nearly as much as she does.
You were walking around in your swim suit, an open robe, snow boots and a death grip on that handel of captain morgan.
He SHOWED UP to the party wearing one shoe and a dinosaur hat. He kept lifting up his shirt and asking people to bite his nipple.
Walked into my campus store carrying a pitcher of sangria. No fucks given. Also this recipe is banging.
I have migrated to the couch. Minimal movement is still happening, but I should be mobile enough to go to the liquor store by eight.......so that good.
I woke up in a trash can. Please dude. I don't know what I did to you last night, but I'm sorry. Epically sorry. Please call me back. Please.
What would you do if your asshole suddenly made the sound of a sheep duck baa/quacking the words kill me
You are so incredibly one of a kind, it's astounding
Currently hot boxing a fort I made on our snow day... This is legendary
You kept hiding under tables and grabbing people's legs and shouting SHARK ATTACK.
He just texted me asking for his shirt back and I said I didn't have it and then I ran into him 5 minutes later while wearing the said shirt
I know, dude. If he ends up having a tiny dick, I will literally pack it back into his pants and leave. Not worth the aggravation.
Despite how often it occurs, I have absolutely no interest in having sex with myself
It's sunday night and I just went to the store to buy cookie dough and condoms, I'm so proud of myself.
I don’t know how to sext. What do you say? What do you don’t say?
Just start quoting WAP lyrics.
Randomize
