My family just had an in depth argument about the meaning of chodes
true best friends attempt to put quarters in each others butts. Thanks for the best birthday ever!
after the first blizzard, i went out and bought a thirty and put it in a cooler and hid it out in the backyard. now the second blizzard has deposited 2 feet of snow on top of said cooler. there is a shovel and treasure map over here waiting for you
I tried to explain to him that we just wanted a stereotypical black friend to be in our group. He didn't take it too well... Never take me to the bar again.
She was drinking straight whiskey out of her peacock shaped vase again.
Travelers Top-Tip: Europeans do not appreciate being repeatedly referred to as "gypsy" regardless of how good your Borat impression is.
A 40 year old man just put his hands on my thighs and said in these exact words "you're so beautiful and gorgeous and innocent. But life sucks and you'll probably turn into a whore."
I may have just unintentionally roofied a man in a wheelchair
He took off his priest costume and proceeded to dryhump the teletubby.
THIS IS A FLATMATE WARNING! The white powder next to sink is washing powder I spilled and is not meant for human comsumption. I repeat- do not digest, snort or smoke the white powder next to the sink!!!!
he came during what was supposed to be the foreplay blowjob. there goes my evening.
Fuck that, come home. Let's get drunk and judge people.
You do realize last night you asked me if shampoo had an expiration date then cried for 15 mins when I told you it did
Tell me you're alive little brother. And please tell me you didn't get arrested. You made no fucking sense last night in your random texts and pictures you were sending me.
only 3 drinks in and he showed me his fursuit, please come pick me up
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