Riding a fattie is like riding a scooter, its ok just not in public.
It's fine actually... I'm pretty sure he had the crookedest weiner in the world anyway.
Like he had it hanging in the wind and you just decided, "nope, I don't think that one's for me." ????
God no! I could just feel it. His clock said it was 8:00 when, clearly, it should have been midnight.
Its so fun. We're having a music war with the boat next to us. They have strippers.
For future reference "I'm too drunk to come today" is an acceptable line to get out of work. I love my job
Just seen a lady with the back of her head shaved and the rest of her hair in a pony tail like a sumo wrestler with a 6 inch glass dolphin hair clip. Nothing is going to ruin my day.
If life deals in absolutes, the in betweens are the most hairy.... Fortune cookie wisdom from a stoned Megan.
Woke up this morning with an extra $35 and someone else's ATM receipt. How much did I drink last night?
yeah well, its not like my astrogynecology class is teaching me what i need to know
im almost 90% sure there is no such thing as astrogynecology.
Why is there no Netflix category for "I just wanna cry, but I don't have time for a whole romcom"?
It was really strange. I feel like I had sex with a synchronized swimmer.
Like, when both of your dads are drag queens you're bound to have some amazing Halloween makeup
I just took a condom out of my purse and opened it in front of my entire family because I thought it was a wetnap. Way too hungover for family brunch.
Places I vomited today: hotel bathroom, in the cab to the airport, airport bathroom, airport terminal trashcan, plane seat 18E, and the plans bathroom
Fun wedding?
Yes. Very.
there must be tiny pirates in the freezer stealing our rum.
I fought off a bull with my bare hands while he went off to have sex with her against a wall. I’m more upset about the fact that no one is acknowledging what I did.
Randomize
