distance makes the heart seek blowjobs from girls that are closer i heard.
Can we please just celebrate being alive this far into the school year and just get drunk?
Also, I imagined that his bacne was bubblewrap and that made it much more tolerable
I miss my brother. He would have fucked the fat girl for me.
I told you I would
I wouldnt do that to you. You're my actual friend
Ok here's the state of the situation: We're alone in a strange city with strange people with nothing but alcohol and sprite, I think we're gonna make it.
Then he started caressing my eye brow. Like repetedly. For at least 15 minutes. It was strangely mesmerizing
you did that thing you do when youre drunk where you rant about bruce springsteen, start hooking up with someone and then pass out midway through
I have to drop off my inflatable penis costume at the bar for my bartender. Do you think you could meet me there at like 630?
How does it feel to date your dad?
Everyday this week I have woken up to a different dick pic. It's like a dick pic a day calendar!
Still, being medically ordered to stuff things in your vagina is amazing.
Is it acceptable to pay for WiFi on flights solely for the purpose of getting on Tinder to find a sugar daddy on the plane that doesn’t mind upgrading me to first class?
Do it. You’re flying for two weddings. You’re gonna need that first class.
Not sure what you smoked, but you put raw bacon on the lazy Susan and spent 45 minutes looking at it and mumbling Meat Spin
I'm not big on drama but you need to put your pants on and leave.
I’m not sure she knows my name. She introduced me as “the fuck toy”
Randomize