I told him I was prego. He asked coul we do it without a condom now since I cldn't get any pregnanter. What an a-hole.
Life's too short to consider the larger psychological underpinnings of my lust.
There's 12 honey baked hams in my fridge. I vaguely recalled you organizing a "Midnight Ham Run."
I found her in the trunk, smoking a cigarette, saying every girl should know how to get out of their trunk
An hour ago, you were stranded out of state, and now you're getting laid? You are a god. Whatever you do, don't ask her name.
Only sluts go out in this weather carpe diem boys
spending today hungover and untagging myself from all the pictures of me kissing girls so grandma doesnt have a heart attack. how was your new years?
Welcome to drink and talk like a Russian afternoon.
Pirate drinking day will be planned for shortly
I approve this so hard.
Do you have any idea how hard it is to iphone keyboard type "roflcopter" when intoxicated?
Let's get weird.
It's 10 am...
I'm assuming that means you're not busy...
I am trying to take a picture of a man in a wheelchair trying to ship a michael jackson portrait
i don't knpow whats goin on i think theyre sacrificeing me to th tequila gods
No one will ever find true happiness until they have gotten stoned and taken off the bra they've been wearing all day.
You, my dear friend, are a poet of the deep mental longings of women worldwide.
I barely trust you with my tinder, why would I let you take the staples out of my head?!
Dude my cat is eating sugar cookies with me. No joke. My cat likes cookies.
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