i now have a sippy cup solely for the purpose of drinking alcohol out of...am i an alcoholic?
Just woke up. I have a "Detective Jacob Arnold's" business card in my pocket.
We planned for the zombie apocalypse. In great detail. Of course there was booze involved.
I know you don't remember, but the teeth marks on my face say it happened.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We all know tonight is going to end like every other night with you. drunk, pantless and confused. Dont try to switch things up.
Its like every time I go out with you, it always involves Serbian chicks and taco bell and you always manage to get both all over my bed.
You tried to put a condom on my dog, then he ate it.
the number of desperate girls at the gym right now is unfair. it would be cruel not to let one blow me.
So to distract myself from jackies vomiting, im making up a story in my head. It's called the little penis that could
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I want you to come over here and spit coffee in my mouth like a momma bird feeding a baby bird. That hung over.
I almost lit my balls on fire tonight.
Correct me if I'm wrong, but did you let me pee in the grass while barking? And also, how many of you have videos?
I had to talk to the cops at my front door in a bathrobe, with the buttplug still in.
I'm about to start putting my tampons in the microwave for a few seconds these plastics applicators and this weather don't mix
Only you could make a reflective vest look even remotely sexy
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