You just want to fuck a girl in a dinosaur costume, don't you?
We were talking about threesomes when she went to say who she would have as her third. She did not get to finish her sentence because her bf already said my name.My sheer presence destroys relationships.
Using the random money I found in my bra from Halloween to pay to print my bio notes. I only brought a debit to the bar. College win.
I found his belly button lint in my hair. Can't say it was worth it.
Lets have the type of night where its 5am and one of us has definitely punched someone who has been on a Disney Channel show.
Within the hour, he sent me 8 texts and 4 voice memos. One of the memos was just him whistling for 3 minutes. ...It's official, I attract the crazies.
Is it bad that I recognize every dick in your dic pic collection?
Dude. I don't even want cuddles. I just want an acknowledgement that I just had balls in my mouth.
Pennsylvania now holds the distinct honor of being the third state I've crapped my pants in.
You told me you were trying to learn all the MLB ballparks while you waited for your porn to load.
Her new crush is a 6'2" guacamole baron that may also be a Jedi.
It's gotten to the point that I'm pretty sure I'm going to need to be legally drunk before I enter the voting booth this year.
How are you and your magical vagina doing today?
You came in, yelled 'i am from the future' then puked all over the floor
Is it just me or is it like a girl gets married and all of a sudden she’s a “blogger”?
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