I am apparently in rockville maryland. I just threw up my tater tots I had fro brunch in a safeway parking lot. Then ordered a pizza. Pepperoni and pineapple. I'm sitting in the parking lot, next to my barf, waiting for my pizza. WOOF. Someone just gave me an oxycontin tab. Can u come get me? I'm scared
Great date with Damon, but I'm not sure if telling him I like lesbian porn is a good second date discussion.
mmm whisky
reminds me of losing my job
I tried making the sex a little better this time so right before I blew I yelled "ready or not here I come!"
I'm sitting by the window waiting for the sun to go down so that I can start drinking.
You guys tried to boil water to fill up the empty hot tub. After the fourth trip back with the kettle you gave up.
Update: I just puked into a sock. It was the only thing available at the time. Why I happened to be holding a sock, we may never know.
Woke up chewing my pillow from a dream where I was scarfing Cajun pasta from TGI Friday's. That's a new level of fat, even for us
Why did you come into my room last night at 3am and pour monopoly money on me while you were crying?
Sorry, but you probably shouldn't come over. I'm too sober for this.
You have dresses for different occasions. I need different men's dicks too. It's logic.
Sex aside I am really scared about Syria...
I'm having a martini with dinner. A new level of class.
I'm stoned and eating mustard, also a new level of class.
We walking to the game and some random guy came up to to me and yelled "hey you're the whiskey guy!" And then high fived me then walked away
That awkward moment when you bring a guy back to your place then have to tell him you only have magnums.
Randomize
