i hope your v-card owns a pair of floaties
Acid is not a monday night drug
Also I smoked away my sore throat last night. It's a 420 miracle.
I woke up covered in sausage cart mustard and champagne
I made mike pull over so I could lay in the grass. He made me get up cuz I looked dead and people were passing. It was like 6:30am.
He practically cut off his thumb and she offered him a tampon to stop the bleeding
Watching the dude who probably knocked me up be all cute with his girlfriend on my couch. I am too nice, and I hate today.
I'm staying at his house to solve the homeless situation. There's a freezer bag of weed in the fridge. He doesn't know it's there, and he's not missing it so I may have an income soon.
Everyone here knows me as 'that chick who will most likely steal your girlfriend'. My 99% success rate tells me this name is acceptable.
It got quiet and we all stood around and opened the box and I've never seen so many burritos in my life man. it was fucking biblical.
He doesn't deserve you. Your ass looks 8 times better than his face ever will. Wanna order pizza and watch porn?
I'm covered in glow paint and I can't find my shirt. So, successful night
Oh my god, it's like someone broke the off button in my butthole
It was a fun night! I woke up with a boyfriend, again....
During my first week as an adjunct prof, I played a fiercely fought game of squash with a law student and we wound up having hot, sweaty, angry sex right on the floor of the court. She is either the best or worst thing to happen to my academic career. Will let you know.
Randomize
