Dude, I just woke up on the floor of some random chick's floor with puke in my hair and a posted note on my forehead that said "It's over." Dude I wasn't even aware I was in a relationship...
tonights recap: old cokehead freind proposed in the middle of a country bar to his trash girlfriend, saw ex-fuck who now has star shaved into his head and another with his gf, and ex-bfs best friends crackin jokes about who would fuck me first. NEVER COMING HOME AGAIN
This just in: I met a girl who does the phone sex phone lines, and shes' 5'4" 320. I'll never get a hardon again through a phone.
birthday sex, birthday sex, birthday sex
I'm on my period, period, period
he was already passed out before we got there, so i already knew i was going to like him
I fucked him in a hamburger. literally. he has a hamburger bed.
Home remedy for the herp. Black tea. I need to strap teabags to my wang.
you missed kickoff and the first round of bodyshots. I suggest you get here now.
I made him breakfast and we cuddled on the couch watching march of the penguins, which is, in case you were unaware, the opposite of fucking on a pool table
So our annual Dick Trip has been tentatively scheduled for the week of July 1 - 5. This years theme is "Fucking for Freedom".
NO TEQUILA
Why do I always think it's a good idea? Like a challenge? Shit maybe I should CHALLEGE myself to get laid for once instead
Should I be concerned that the new guy I'm seeing just referred to my stealing a sailboat in college while drunk as "wholesome"?
listen I will take literally anything I can get my tiny gay fingers on
if people come over to pregame will you hide my Oreos?
How was it?
i think i smell bacon but im to sore to walk downstairs. that kinda night
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