She was wasted. Kept yelling "what if I'm pregnant" and trying to push me into the tree. First and last time I bring a girl to my family christmas party.
i was actually impressed that she managed to throw up underwater while scuba diving
Well at least it wasn't the first time I threw up out of a second story window
you ate the make a wish sign. Like actually chewed on it. It was our solution to going outside when the cops were there
IT'S A FUCKING GIANT POKEBALL MAD OUT OF TINY ROSES
Text me all the things you want us to do this summer. So far, I have Kegstand written down
Just killed a snake in my bed! And by killed I mean hit repeatedly with my fist. And by snake I mean a lump in the covers. And I pissed my pants.
Can you send me the pic of me puking with a quesadilla on my shoulder
Come to this bar
But I'm full of food.
MAKE ME FULL OF YOUR DICK
Do you want to talk about dinosaurs?
I just turned down a booty call because I'm having a Star Wars movie marathon
I mean go ahead and let your freak flag fly but if you could not fly it in my bed that would be great
Just so you know sleeping with you is like skydiving commando in a flightsuit made of kittens
That's the most romantic thing I've ever heard
Do u think the bouncer will let me in with a giant stuffed snake?
He tried to eat me out...through my pants.
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