Last night I broke through a door, was hospitialized, arrested, and threw my shoe at a bouncer. This summer is gonna be fuckin sick.
Broke my phone, have no voice AND I was blackout by 3 p.m...I'm betting I had a great time.
I am 90% sure the kid in front of me in class is picking his face spots, smelling it, and then eating it. That is a LOT of % sure for something like that.
you tried to arm wrestle for the title of "mom's favorite son"
so he came over for the first time and i completely forgot i had pictures of him printed out from facebook on my wall and a newspaper article with him in it.. you can guess that it lead for an awkward situation.
Dude, we took our shirts off and set our chest hair on fire. That's a low point.
You raise a valid concern
Dude he was freaking out because he thought he was walking on crates, and he just kept saying help me
He broke up with his gf yesterday so he could give me our annual Christmas sex at midnight.
Marry him. Now.
No one suspects that a sweet girl who is excited about her anniversary with her bf just blew her partner at work in a communal area a few hours ago, so its cool.
Oh if we have sex in public no one will frown upon it. They will stand and cheer for it
Yeah! I was just fired because there was an over hire and the new girl is hotter than me. Seeing as how the new girl is my baby sister I think punching my manager is excusable.
Last night, I listened to Aladdin on my ipod while I stole bread and cheese from Wal-Mart. I feel like you're the only one who'd be proud of me.
Where does drinking Flat, warm beer from two days ago rank of the No Fucks Given scale?
One door closes, one man cooks for you through the next open door
he's such a nice guy...he deserves a bigger dick.
Randomize
