I drowning out her crying with songs from the Beatles it's good for us both. She relives her 30s and i dont have to hear her cry
the only reason i invite her is so when the guys start to hit on her i know it's time to take their keys
the only human I can compare her to is rosie o'donnell.
we decided it was best to cut you off after we caught you trying to "baptize" my cat in the jungle juice
when you tell me you got me a birthday present, I have to assume it will show up in a drug test.
You know how girls with huge tits have back problems? Do you get knee problems or something?
there's no excuse to just assume your pants won't be coming off for some reason or another. that's just irresponsible
What did he say? I couldn't hear him over the sound of how awesome his beard is.
You were so proud of your stupid "magic trick" but all you did was piss on the couch. don't talk to me for a few days.
He's only done it missionary. His world is about to be rocked. Do you know what I look like from behind?
At this point, I'd date an ax murderer. So long as he doesn't cry all the time, have ED, or leave me with his unspayed cat. My list of requirements is becoming increasingly specific.
He's getting Easter eggs filled with weed or Jell-O shots for his birthday
Nothing $200 worth of strippers and spicy fried chicken couldn't fix.
No, he wouldn't have sex with me....but on the brightside I managed to fit the entire falafel sandwhich in my purse!!
Even after hearing me fuck his friend twice in one night, he still follows me around like a puppy.
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