dude we were making out and she kept singing the americas next top model song. you wanna be on top?
I wish there was a hungover fairy to brush my teeth and bring me a diet coke.
Robbie told me you spent 10 mins discussing the curl in his hair and that you said "with that curl in your hair, you'll go far"
threw up in the library. i should be embarrassed, but i'm willing to bet that i'm one of the first so i'm kinda proud.
mid blow job she looked up and said "we aren't even facebook friends!"
Your excessive judging is making this uncomfortable
She said I told her "I'm to drunk to take your bra off." then she said I walked out completely naked to go watch tv.
And apparently I was the one that started the drunken make out session that broke the window
I am a 5'4" ball of sexual frustration and vodka. It is that kind of night.
You know I love you. I just don't love your penis.
You know, I think I'm going to rock the shit out of this whole mid-twenties thing. Fuck babies and weddings -- I have vodka and young cock.
Also... I'm unsure what to do with my face while someone is choking me during sex. Like I feel like its hard to look flattering.
Before you jump in that vagina remember there's a reason we call her Infectonator.
I just need some breakup sex yanno like filthy wish fulfilling breakup sex to make me forget what I never had
This ice cream is 10x better than the sex I had yesterday
Randomize
