Vomit. Vomit. Whatever. You wear a tiara in public.
He wouldn't know what to do with his penis even if they made a "how to get a blowjob for dummies" guide
He just keeps repeating "this isn't my bagel".. i'm worried for his safety
This year i'm grateful for nothing other than the discovery that the uncircumcized rumors about him were wrong
I'm like the kid who wants his birthday and christmas equally. Every time I get one I want the other. Only I don't want holidays I want brothers
No he exists. Who else tells me no matter how drunk I am to pull out. He's watching over me so my bastard doesn't get created.
I just need three more girls to complete my 'Freak-a-leak' bang list. Know any girls named Zahra, Shavon, or Daronda?
and let me tell you something, handcuffs are surprisingly uncomfortable when they arent being used in a sexual manner
Holy hangover, going dancing with family good idea, taking the last shot with the transvestite bar owner not so much...
Hold on. At Sephora trying to decide what despair smells like.
Ugh it's 2016, why can't our bodies just shed fat on their own
I had a dream involving the worlds smallest pony, an asphalt volcano, and jimi hendrix. Never smoking 3 bowls before bed again
No, no... It was great. I feel like my liver took a vodka shower and washed it's hair with pabst
I had a dream I hooked up with Post Malone. I can still smell the dream
i only got to wear my halloween costume for an half hour before it got taken off.
Randomize
