My husband just tried to seduce me by saying we can do it doggystyle so you can watch tv
I just got hit by a car. I'm fine; I'll be to the bars in about 15
trying to imitate man vs food after 12 shots doesnt mean youll get laid
His penis without viagra is what breaks my heart.
it wasnt even considered partying. it was like "ok, who can get the most shitfaced and not pass out"
so the photographer said "let's get a picture of the cousins" so we posed together, and then he said " lets get a picture of the couples" So we posed together.
That money I left you should go to the stripper that fell asleep in your bed. Sorry
That bar is one yeast infection away from total annihilation.
Lol, you asked the waitress to box up someone else's discarded food last night
Super stoned right now. And I stared at my exit, thought to myself "hey self. That is your exit" and I kept driving right past it.
I owe you an apology, I was appointed captain of this sexy fuckship and I fell asleep at the helm.
I managed all three standard threesome configurations a female-bodied person can achieve in just under nine years. I want to high-five everyone involved, but I've lost touch with a couple of them
She's one of those people who could be either 16 or 23. In which case she's too old for me or in dangerously jailbait territory for you, bro.
I'm at that stage of drunk where just imagining having sex makes me motion sick.
The usual, icing my vag with a chimichanga.
Randomize
