we found you eating frozen orange juice with a spoon and then drinking vodka from the bottle.
Her facebook status said "just got a sign from god". I texted her and apparently she found a slice of pizza in the shower.
You almost married that.
You know it is an interesting night when the 911 operator calls you
oh yeah, there may or may not be a large boa loose in the house when you get home.
I just rolled an Obama blunt and a Romney shame joint for tonight. Vote wisely.
We could have had it all. And by all I mean sex in your Toyota Corolla.
things I never thought I would say vol. 24 "Bagpipes just remind me that my relationship is over"
I totally almost forgot you fucked that guy. St. Patty's bar crawls always have a drawback.
I am naked in a blanket sprawled on my bed eating a pastry. This is all I want out of life. Ever.
Have a glass of wine with dinner they said. Your hydrocodone has worn off they said... NOPE
I found a hot kiwi last time and sucked his dick. That's what rooftop bars are made for.
You know you hit Mardi Grad bottom when you come to in someone's kitchen on the floor and you are eating gumbo out of a Mixing bowl with a ladle......yeah rock fucking bottom
It was all going good until I realized she was wearing underwear with a butt flap. Mission aborted.
What happened lastnight it looks like I had sex with edward scissor hands....my back is so messed up
my bad i broke a mirror over your back
I think every girl deserves a pregnancy scare. Because then it just feels like such a priviledge to be bleeding out of the vagina.
I legit just did a jig towards my box of tampons.
Me and dad were just reflecting on that time he found a gas mask bong in the backyard.
Randomize
