Dude it was awful. I woke up with more strippers in my dorm room than those duke lacrosse kids.
Tonight i am praying for god to turn my pussy into apple pie because i cant count the number of times bruce chooses food over sex.
my Prof for my bio lab has his lab coat collar popped. it's 8 am and im too hungover for this guy
When I told my boss I'm using a vacation day for 4/20, he gave me his personal cell phone number and winked at me.
Your remote is drenched in lotion and you expect me to believe you weren't masturbating?!
As payment for all the times you have babysat me while im drunk, im giving you the shorts i stole from the guy i stayed with on friday night. They're clean. Come get em.
The only thing worse than being hungover is being hungover and not able to open your mouth wide enough to eat a cheeseburger
found a better reason to procrastinate than the usual sunday-don't-give-no-fucks. literally every one of my textbooks is soaked in captain. can't turn a page without gagging.
I was worried he'd break you after the hiatus your lady parts had to take from social interaction.
at work, .. 47 yr old boss was in a fight. 2 BLACK EYES. I may get fired. I cant stop laughing
Definitely! I will do that this week. Right now, watching drag queens play with my dad's beard.
Drunk field day, hangover yoga and sober archery practice
I blame everything on you. My broken heart, my fucked up liver and my twisted mind.
Hold on gotta plunge the sink
Is that a euphemism for sex? Either way, have a good time
Can you explain to me why I showed my boobs to the firemen to get free beer?
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