And then he said "I can't get blown while Gordon Bombay and Mr. Holland stare at me from the TV"
I just wasted my iTunes Gift Card on a season pass for Hannah Montana. Bad decision?
Dude, she knew her leg was on fire and she kept dancing. Bad-fucking-ass.
of all the people in our graduating class, this is exactly who would get pregnant.
Until last night, I had never actually thrown up ON a sandwich
I think "I actually like giving blow jobs better" qualifies her as a keeper
She literally pulled the door off the hinges and "dropped" it down the stairs... Do I just say 'good job' and put her to sleep?
Uh yeah. I ate a brick of cheese. Didn't even cut it. We were admiring the teeth marks I was leaving. We decided it was the negative of my mouth
Within 24 hours, I went to a feminist documentary screening with two state reps and you hate fucked a rent-a-cop on the helipad of your hospital. Somewhere our lives went in different directions.
I still make more money.
I just want a sensitive guy who will get drunk with me then take me out to steal things. Is that too much to ask?
I need to stop drinking alone, I wrote a love letter to my tattoos
Totally forgot Mike has only one ball. Is it sad I'm excited to see it? Or shall I say the lack of it?
If he gets me coffee, cold or no I'll make him see Jesus with my mouth.
I found a tomato seed inside my jeans. I did not eat tomatoes
I texted her mom a picture of us doing it saying "I'm trying to make your daughter just like you!" she was not amused.
Randomize
