Contrary to popular belief alot of woman do actually enjoy sucking cock.
girl has like over 50 stars tattooed on her front, side and back. feels like i just fucked the universe.
She brought an overnight bag to my party. Might as well have shown up wearing only a thong and a bottle of whip cream in her hand.
Just tried to use the bottle of Sprite in my car as mouthwash to get the taste of puke out of my mouth- it's half vodka. Puked again. Thanks man.
Remember when I booked a hotel room for next sat? Nneither do I.
Ive made peace with the fact that i will accomplish nothing except liver damage today
I can feel the fear and stress bubbling in my stomach. Or maybe that is the pregnancy.
hahahaha what do we need the kangaroos for? please tell me we release them instead of doves
I'm just waiting til he drunkenly pisses in his new man's car the way he always whipped it out and went Bellagio in mine.
I have the starring role in a literal shit show.
You seriously knocked all the beer off the table, broke the beer pong table, broke the bar and kept yelling "you have to warn me first!" all because I wouldn't let you have another four loco
I got my period today and I cried tears of joy. And then just cried because my cramps are actually killing me from the inside out.
He bought me shrimp and alcohol and referred to himself as daddy. I am in love.
he bought me ice cream then took me home and fucked the shit outta me. you can't write this kinda romance.
I'm actually on the verge of cancelling a booty call because I have an early meeting tomorrow. If this is what adulthood is going to be like, I'll pass.
Randomize
