why did i make a hit list last night containing only McDonalds?
you tried to order a magarita mcflurry and when they said they didnt make those you tried to call 911
he saw my emergency pass-out-in-the-bathroom-after-drunken-puking cot in the bathroom.
just told my prof that "i dont give a fuck" about the final. nothing like a having a signed employment contract already
hungover + watching bobsledding = i just puked
Already puke and ralleyd and dressed like a bear.
You christened everyone with a powdered doughnut and then tried to absorb vodka with your nipple.
So I pull up to an apartment complex and immediately felt like I was here to get stoned.
I may have tried to encourage people to play a new game I invented last night. I called it Super Quarters. Like regular quarters, only using an AA medallion.
She dressed up in a sexy maid outfit for me, but she got mad when I asked her to actually do some cleaning.
My life is literally the worst. I was just laughing so hard at how hot they looked feeding each other the brownies and then I was like DON'T CRY
I'd google it, but I don't really want my search history to say, "Name for masturbating on a flight."
Btw there's a hedgehog in my room. Don't get it high
And besides a nice relationship, I just really want to get laid damnit
I wanna suck that fisherman's dick.
Yelled "don't taze me bro" as the police officer tazed me. Cross it off the list.
Randomize
