1:12am: That's just how i roll, and this dress she is wearing is dirty and needs to get pulled over her head.
I could be a Disney star with the amount of nude photos of mine that get leaked.
when i'm not drinking i'm making facebook events about drinking
Basically as long as the fan is pointed at my vagina i can cool off enough to sleep.
Im so excited to get permanently banned for life from all the old bars again, it is gonna be christmas after all
I NEED YOU HERE TO KNOCK THE MALT BEVERAGES OUT OF MY MOUTH
She said she wants to move in with me. Time to black out and act as if we never had this conversation.
How are you a firefighter? People actually trust you with their lives??
max decided it would be a good idea to run down the hall and smack down the exit sign. now we are sitting in the emergency room, and he is wearing the sign as a bracelet
He wouldn't stop calling me so I sent him a text saying "I'm dead. Dead. Leave me alone." And he replied with "so can I see you then?"
It is clearly not my fault that you decided studying was more important than trying to bang our hot teacher for an A, so I seized the opportunity.
The amount of effort it's taking me to not shit my pants this morning is probably a sign to slow down the drinking
I woke up this morning and I had the absolutely horrific realisation that I am the human incarnation of scrappy doo
Sorry this is the worst night of your life and that you're being a baby about it.
YALL MOTHERFUCKERS WANNA WATCH HEAVY METAL AND SMOKE WEED AND PLAY POOL AND DRINK BEER AND SMOKE WEED
Im drunk taking pregnancy tests with this really hot girl...i dont know what is happening
Randomize
