in pain and im wearing pink underwear
so?
i dont own pink underwear
I have a client coming in and there's a note that says she wants her hair to like Elisabeth Hasselback's from the view
that's Oklahoma for you
so her cute freckles turned out to be blackheads
I just puked in the walgreens aisle buying gatorade and advil for my hangover... i guess i failed
I just dumped out my gym water bottle and filled it with white wine. This is the end.
It wasn't random sex though, it was almost a relationship, built on lies and sex
I can never go back to Jacksonville. We think I may have punched a child in the face while on acid...
250 people in this lecture & my prof asks who already drank green beer this morning& is drunk right now. I WAS THE ONLY ONE TO RAISE MY HAND
I wanna hang out. The cats don't talk back.
I swear I get as excited about the sound of a condom wrapper as my cat gets when she's getting a can of food.
I refuse to believe you if you're trying to tell me humanity as a whole isn't sad, tired, and craving Chinese food.
He says the sweetest things but also that he wants to choke me when we fuck so it's kinda perfect.
Just so u know, "come here buckey" has no effect on ur cat, but "hey fucker you wanna get high or what?" will cause him to run from the other room knocking shit over. We smoked outta the gravity bong, then he went and ate.
All I remember is your girlfriend laying on the bathroom floor and me crawling in and asking if it was okay to puke.
Who did he bring home?
Idk. But did you see her shoe choice by the stairs, I'm really not expecting anything great.
Randomize
