Wow my backseat really seemed a lot bigger when we were 16
Sorry my moustache came off because I was face first in a layered bucket full of jello shots.
She just had to change the song on the radio cause I was tap dancing on her windshield
I kind of feel like BP. I'm dressed in green and absolutely horrible for the environment.
He seems to have a lot of things figured out and most of the answers involve bourbon
Just induced vomiting to put out a carpet fire.
Everyone is cheering
I guess crabs is what I get for sleeping with my ex.
Seriously. I'm like, "Wait, we are actually talking about physics in the middle of sex and its ACTUALLY erotic because you're so fucking intelligent I'm turned on?"
She didn't complain to the library attendant about us being too loud. She complained after you grabbed her highlighter off the table to stir vodka into your tumbler with.
I woke up in the basement of a pizza restaurant... I would say the tequila hit me pretty hard.
Last night at a party someone grabbed my ass so I just fucking punched them in the face then went home and ate a frozen pizza
It's brunch. If you find dick at brunch. You an A+ hoe.
Sooo does anyone wanna tell me why I threw up a cigarette this morning?
OMG YOU DID TO?!
would you eat cereal with weed in it
who is this???
He's a security blanket. A security blanket who FUCKS.
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