Just got booted from water taxi for showing my balls to a security guard.
watching law and order svu marathons. all of the sex crimes cases start like my sat night.
it's already thursday and i haven't gotten drunk yet...something's not right.
and you're not allowed to put a penis in you if it's attached to a 26 year old who works at blockbuster
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He made off the wall shots in beer pong, stuck the girls dog in a cooler, and played with swords with her mom. I wish I got his name
Im sitting on the exxon bathroom floor, idk if its healthy but it sure is cold
So I met my girlfriends dad last night. Or should I say I re-met that mall cop that had to tackle me.
Your first words after putting out the flames, "how am I supposed to eat girls out with my top lip burned off??"
Yeah no more flaming everclear shots.
It feels like eating ice cream while riding a unicorn over a rainbow waterfall made of glitter.
That is possibly the gayest thing that was ever thought of by anyone anywhere.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
All i really wanna do tonight is get drunk with you and dance on tables. is that too much to ask?
Hit on in the middle of a Wal-Mart McDonald's by a really awkward nerd. There is not enough nope in the world.
Most tragic bathtub-fart of all time. I am going to be late.
Also I think I drunkenly signed up to be an uber driver or something because they keep emailing me to fill out a background check
Why the fuck is there a goat in the kitchen
I think people are normalizing furries
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