true best friends attempt to put quarters in each others butts. Thanks for the best birthday ever!
you dont have to exercise, you threw up last night!
So he asked me last night if I would cheer him on while he masturbated...
I love my grandma, but if I have to sit and watch one more show on Bravo, I'm gonna burn her fuckin house to the ground
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I am not kidding you. There is an airport luggage cart overturned in my driveway. We need to stop going to the airport bar.
Dude.. You paid a stripper $50 to listen to you cry last night.
I wonder if they'd let me siphon the gas out my car before they impound it
I standby a snuggie being perfectly acceptable attire for drunkenly walking your dog at 5am. Our new neighbors did not seem to agree.
Well I sent him a pic of my vagina and sent back a pic of his puppy....so there's that
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Please tell me I didn't help an old woman shave her vagina last night. Please.
That's the least of the fucked up shit you did last night dude.
I think weed is turning my hair brown
As you passed out you started to cry and say "Mufasa" over and over again making everyone else cry.
Even his sexts are poetic. He said breasts instead of tits so I'm gonna lock this shit down asap
There's a set of buzz lightyear wings in lost and found at work. I just need access to your roof.
Wanna get drunk and make some bad decisions?
Are you calling me a bad decision?
Randomize