I saw her while sober, and she is definately cut off from the penis ride
you win again, gameday.
just bought a $25 eighth from a chick who has a kid. i'm helping my community out right?
sweetheart all i remember is you throwing up and saying "i thought things would be better now that barack obama is president"
He's trying to row the canoe up my front yard like he is Lewis and Clark.
she gave me her number and i just said "no. cant."
So I don't know, I'm not a doctor, but I might be juggling dates with 3 different guys...
You know you have hit the best years of your life when you enlist the 5 year old to be ball boy during beer pong and pay him with candy you stole from Walgreens
he told me he didn't like my name so he was going to call me Casey instead
I woke up this morning to my panties draped around the neck of an empty bottle of bulleit. That is the perfect visual metaphor for my life at this juncture.
I'm not strong. I'm hormonal, sad, lonely, and trying to get laid via tinder
if people come over to pregame will you hide my Oreos?
We were literally making dick jokes with his dick out
That’s the level of friends with benefits I aspire to achieve
It's not my fault I make her feel like a Taylor Swift album
You spent the entire night trying to catch pigeons and hugged a homeless guy and then gave him a pregnancy test.
Randomize
