I'll pay for our taxi if you let me makeout with the drummer and we don't leave RIGHT when the bassist does.
I called her the wrong name twice and she still called me back this morning. DO I still wait two days to call her back?
No, we just ended up walking around in his pool high and singing songs by The Wiggles.
We stole your phone last night, texted your brother and told him you wanted it up the ass by him. All he said was "I want ur money."
We turned everything surrounding BP and the oil leak into a "that's what she said" drinking game. We've been drunk for a month
he left me a note this morning. it said "thank you for letting me touch you"
you stumbled up the stairs in your heels, pulled 23 one-dollar bills out of your bra and then went and puked in the toilet. didnt say a single thing to me the whole time
Really? A fat girl?
I'm walking her back. Chill out.
She is a nice girl okay. For some reason we are in my room though.
Our relationship needs a sober moment
I'll call you when that happens
I'm jealous that you can use my boobs as pillows & I can't.
Hey can you tell Daniel there's a bottle of Captain Morgan's in the dryer ...
Sorry I think you have the wrong number
Yes it looks like I do
Did you really eat 10 ice cream cones today?
It was tough but I powered through it.
He asked if I was a pirate because my "arrrrrrrrse" was worth burying. 10/10 for effort, 20/10 for serial killer vibes.
I'm not sure of this happened or if it was just a dream... But I vividly remember you walking down the street naked?
No actually I had socks on...
The work outs are working. Someone just said my body type was “Tits On A Stick”.
Randomize
