yea pretty sure we followed the trail of your spaghetti-o vomit to find the car
My girlfriend was pissed, so if I had to guess, i'd say I had a GREAT time last night
I will cut you
Oddly enough thats the second time today someones said that to me
Put that in perspective
Like lay upon bear skin rugs, drink brandy and reminisce of the yesteryear's before a majestic fire place? Because those are my plans.
You kept running up to married couples, taking their pictures and begging for them not to get divorced
Fuck yeah GAYNESS
*explodes into glitter*
Maybe I'm nitpicking, but that looked more like how one would jerk off an elephant than it did playing air guitar.
Most tragic bathtub-fart of all time. I am going to be late.
Sometimes I wish I lived alone because there would be no one to judge me if I wanted to have whiskey and popcorn for breakfast.
he's so hot I'd consider breaking the whole, "till death do us part," agreement he's currently in
Do it break your family into faction start a civil war
Look, if this is a cop, just lemme know that Mike is ok. Fuckin all star game
Dude I woke up with a handprint shaped bruise on my ass, a pong ball in my cleavage, and somebody else's gold chain around my neck. Who's house am I in?
When we get drunk one of us ends up running off and fucking someone in an inappropriate place, like the roof of the restaurant, or Greece, while the other convinces people not to worry and not to go looking. That good sir is a real mother fucking friendship.
Thats what I'm talking about
I'm the one who said we should take things slow. I'm also the one who forced him into the back on my car so we could have sex.
Randomize
