Have you come up with a team name for the beer pong tournament on Saturday?
We can be the stepdads. If anyone asks why say because we beat you and you hate us.
In a tragic sexting typo, I typed the word "blobjob". Now she's coming over and I have no idea what I'm in for...
Dude it was weird. The strippers vagina tasted kind of like your mother's.
he said i looked like a lion with slutty lingerie on .
Turns out getting tied up to two door handles and forced to repeatedly cum is actually a really good ab workout.
Hahahaha you would not believe what I just pulled out of my vagina. Actually you probably wouldn't be surprised.
I mean really it's like when you're super hungry and you can't decide what to eat, you just know you want food. This is that situation, but for my vagina
Hurry up and get here I'm judging myself
I can't answer my phone I'm at work
I slept with a male stripper last night. Priorities
I didn't want to see any of his nipples and now I've seen all three. Thanks.
You're an independent woman who is defined by her own actions and not by whether or not you have a man. You also have great tits.
The date went significantly better after the fifth shot of fireball.
He's pretending to be my boyfriend so that my family won't bother us when we sneak off to smoke weed
It's all fun and games until your in the alumni campus center puking on the floor
Well I may have gotten laid but I over drafted buying pizza so I think that negates everything
Randomize
