For when you/if you wake up tomorrow.. You broke 4 of the bar's glasses tonight and I am currently watching you as you ride the broom around the bar instead of cleaning up your mess. I am no longer able to come up with excuses for you.
I'm not sure which is more depressing, the fact that the hospital is making me put together a living will before surgery, or that all i'll be leaving behind is 25k in student loan debt
WHAT KIND OF DUMPSTER DOESNT HAVE PIZZA IN IT?
I'm putting "buy a bottle of scotch" on my "productive things to do to procrastinate studying for finals" list
I'm lying topless with an eye infection at the foot of my bed with a dog between my legs. With disney in the background. Its one of those 3 am moments
Seeing your one night stand on campus never gets less awkward. Why is Subway the only good place to eat?
He snapchatted me his dick and he's circumcised....BRB going to hug his Mom
My vag is like the Sahara
Ew that's gross.
The sad truth. Barren and empty.
She left her panties here. They looked SOOO much smaller last night.
Riding the train home at 6 am for class still drunk is losing its novelty in my junior year
The whole bar erupted and in happiness and confusion as I went on about pancakes.
I woke up on my girls floor with a pound of muenster cheese in my shirt pocket
#tbt to when you let me put plastic wrap on your balls and hum a little song
the sex got boring after the first three hours
holy shit
Did you clean my apartment?
I thought it was a dream, I'm sorry
Please stay more often
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