dont worry your back hair reminds me of angel wings
the cop asked for your social security number and you gave her your high school locker combo
Our cab driver just admitted to beating up kids in the 60's who didn't smoke pot...
I remember seeing LSAT prep books and thinking "Whose room is this? I should be hooking up with them instead."
Great. I get laid, Leslie Nielsen dies. I can't have have sex anymore, the film community can't take another loss like this.
I'm pretty sure they changed the plants at the grocery store because of us
You're probably reading this when you wake up from your "nap" in the front yard. Maybe next week you should go to class, and not start Thirsty Thursday at 9:30 in the morning.
Nothing quite like pre-gaming the Kentucky Derby with adderall and adderall. I'm fairly confident I could outrun all of these fucking horses in a foot race right now.
He called from a stranger phone to say. He was a t a liquior store and there was a long line they have no condoms. This is the guy i was gonna go on a date with
Atleast he is letting you know he will be late
He watches the nature channel every time I am here. It's like a manipulation technique because baby zebras will get me every time.
I feel like dick that good should always be within a five kilometre radius of me.
That means I have to put pants on. That is not something I am willing to do right now.
She was doing drunken zumba and screaming "FUCK YOU I HAVE MY OWN STYLE!" at the TV
The wedding is over. Operation sleep with my step-sister has officially begun
You have ten minutes starting with this message to get here. Or I'm putting my clothes back on.
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