Big sunglasses are the new paper bag
ya. and they're way easier to confince girls to wear during sex
I thought this kinda shit only happens to ugly people
i just went to use the bathroom this morning and I couldn't because there was someone puking in every stall. i'm going to miss the dorms this summer
We are going out Saturday. Oh and we might also be jousting on bikes.
then he tried to convert me to islam
Just beat 2 Norwegian women in beer pong. Never been so proud to be an American.
if you spike my cofee one more time im gona fuck you up. im presenting to the mayor in sevven fucking minuets. fuck you and youir fucking bartending classses i am so fuckign fcked
I can't wait to go to grad school so I am not your high unemployed friend.
This hickey is now green and covers half my neck. I have an alien hickey. I think he thought my neck was dinner.
Can we just talk about how I wrote out all the stuff I had to do this week and for Thursday it says "drink and cry"? ...I don't remember putting that but it sounds like something I would do
Maybe the problem is guy has to ask his wife if he can go out to lunch with his girlfriend for an hour...
The modern romantic, surprising his gf w/ a gram of blow
The cat likes watching me spank Michael. I don’t know how to feel about this.
I can't believe the MLB is making the NHL look good.
I'm just going to tell you this I knocked up your girlfriend. I didn't mean to I thought it was somebody else I wasn't drunk but it was dark.
The truth is better her than my wife.
Randomize
