btw ... thanks for not giving me up as the craigslist killer
i owe you one
thanks for snagging those panties for me
I thought she would fill the void you created. Turns out she thought I just wanted to fill hers.
you want to go make fun of the strippers on try out night
i got kicked out last time for laughing
If she's not going to maintain the upkeep of her vag then I'm not going to pay the rent of being her boyfriend
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
First thought today, I need a ventriloquist dummy that looks like me. This week's project has been determined.
You left the resturant and came back with a McDonalds burger in your pocket so ya...no more pregaming birthday dinners. Especially since it wasn't your birthday.
I masterbate to the thought of you. You totally aren't just a booty call.
230 lb girl across the train from me is giving a dude in a kilt a handjob while he sits in her lap
I'm at work, and just realized I the beer smell I keep getting random whiffs of is my bra. I fail at life.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
BRILLIANT IDEA: In honor of summer olympics we need to start a synchronized drinking team.
He stopped in the middle of us banging in order to check in for his Southwest flight.
So yeah, turns out I enjoy vaguely public group sex. Who knew?
My cardio is walking around the office looking for free food.
I just put on lipstick to sext him. That should tell you where my love life is at.
How do I send someone an apology text for giving them a lap dance in the middle of a party last night?
Randomize