Now I have to picture Dave Letterman having sex with all these women. Im the real victim.
i'll prob lay in bed. its weird not having to track my wallet down, its become such a weekly habit. i suddenly have so much free time
Going to the hospital for stitches on my balls. Mom walked in on me manscaping with an electric razor. Tell NOBODY.
You were yelling at the bowl of salad and telling it to quit taunting you and telling you to go to tacobell
woke up holding a soft boiled egg cup and empty bottle of rum. apparently i couldn't find a shot glass
She who has the vag holds all the power. He will learn one way or the other.
Tell them to carpool to pride, have a 3way, and if one says 'no thanks' just tell em it's not gay if it happened in a 3way!
Just walked in on him banging another girl. He told me " sorry but I'm gonna finish now that I'm caught" ...... I think this is the reason god gave me four older brothers....
And after we debated politics. My dream come true: naked, just got done having great sex with a hot mixed guy, talking about why social welfare programs are a bad idea
His last name was woodcox? That just screams I've got a great penis
She asked how many sexual partners I'd had and I was like "Honestly I don't even know". And then she said "well last time you said 8." And my inner monologue busted out laughing and I was like "Oh I'd say like 11 or 12.....plus 20."
We had sex and then I offered him a cookie...while he was still inside of me. Basically he's in love
As much as my throat was opened up this weekend, you'd think I wouldn't nearly choke on a damn almond.
He said he would get me a helmet and bedazzle it with my name and address so the cabs would know where to take me
scale of one to ten how loathsome is it to save my chocolate easter bunny to use for a topping on my edibles
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