I got date raped at Sigma Chi last night!
Dude, you never made it to Chi last night. You fell into a tree and passed out.
Where you at
assisting at a photo shoot in williamsburg till 7ish. wassup?
Doesn't matter. I already jerked off in your bed.
No, I don't think Michelle is a squirter. And if I've had anal sex, the Obamas have.
Honestly, I don't care if the only reason she gave me her beer was because she was bisexual and wanted to touch my vagina. Beer is beer.
No mixer. Vodka in yogurt?
Meanwhile I am sitting on the couch with a 32 ounce rum and coke trying to decide if I'm too drunk to go get french fries.
Just came during my obgyn appt. I need to get laid.
I shame-fucked to Hotel California, don't tell me about priorities.
Scary truckers and hobos. These are the men I attract
Ways to ruin a one night stand: the guy finds your parenting magazine on your dorm room desk.
I made out with a mom and her daughter and got a black eye, so yeah, my birthday went well
I was sending him tit pics while watching how to train your dragon 2. It was everything.
I ripped my favorite bra in half last night while I was undressing in a drunken rage.
What was the rage all about?
He wouldn't stop to let me get McDonald's french fries.
Can you leave her a note saying "did you enjoy watching me fuck your roommate?"
I will.
Honestly, I am sitting in my room watching Ciara videos and thinking I am super jealous of how she rides it.
Randomize
