I think im going to throw up on grandma
we're drinking boxed wine and eating string cheese. It's like a wine tasting for poor people.
Every time my boyfriend threatens to commit suicide I change my relationship status as "widowed".
I just did the nutritional comparison between 2% milk and Bud Light Lime.. the beer had less calories, less carbs, and less fat. It's not looking good for milk in my life anymore
I had sex on an exercise ball. The inevitable has occurred.
He said last night that he'd never had such a great conversation and such a great handjob at the same time.
Mom just texted me to see if it was you who was streaking at the Mariner game... Did you accept yet another $1 bet?
Just found a wrench in the washing machine. Sooo not doing your laundry anymore.
He wore my sunglasses on his honeymoon..... so there's that.
You need Xanax blowdarts
Well you should have thought of that before you were reckless with your butt
First encounter with a mirco peen. I was confused when he said he doesnt go down on girls. Cmon dude, practice on a peach.
Her four year old daughter walked up to me grabbed my junk and said "this will be in mommy later." Wtf?
He said when the pizza came I zip locked one slice and went to the couch and snuggled with it. Does that give you an idea of how my night was?
As long as it's more "this is where i see an issue" vs "psst.... tiddies" then i have no argument
Randomize
