I understand how i shit in my shoes, but explain why you were wearing them.
Note: fake nails and fingering anus.... Not a good idea
If i'm not hungover, near death, and wondering what i did the night before on Monday, life is not worth living.
Vegas is awesome. Its like you have a kentucky accent girls automatically assume you don't have herpes.
I woke up with someone else's vomit on my ass. That's how I'm doing today.
So after I pop out this baby we need to just go on a monthlong coke binge so I can get skinny again before vegas
They let me out of the holding cell just in time for me to get the morning-after-pill. Rock bottom feels even worse with all those hormones.
I just don't know about this life anymore. Quite frankly I think I belong up there in the great blue, lounging on a cloud sippin tea with Jesus
I told him if he went to see magic mike with me I'd cover his eyes during the penis parts
Some girl just walked passed me, said "fuck yeah!" and is now crawling up the stairs
It was his birthday and he drunkenly offered me Portillo's and diamonds in exchange for a snap chat of my boobs. Even sober it seemed like a good idea at 3 in the morning.
Apparently I made a chicken patty, angrily took it out of the microwave, walked outside, and threw it over the balcony. #me
If by whore you mean UPGRADE....then yes I am
I miss seeing you
i hope for the sake of your safety you were not with your girlfriend while sending texts like that at 3 am
IT WAS A FUCKING ELEPHANT I SWESR!!!!!
Nathan, I haven't spoken to you in 12 years and it's 6am. Kindly fuck off.
Randomize
