once we finished he held up the condom and asked if i wanted to keep it as a souvenir.
oh and he was serious.
Myspace is for pedophiles and tweakers in the 818 trying to hook up. I always forget theres music there too
So I'm probably the first guy in history to tap out of a blowjob.
For looking exactly like her, she tasted less like her sister than I would've thought
Well its kinda hard to gift wrap an orgasm
Dick in a box?
Any formal decision about whether we're planning to objectify naked women with daddy issues tonight?
Me and the cabbie are stopping on the way at a sit down restaurant to eat. My life is so sad.
Well, my breasts are swollen and I cried about the Iditarod. But I say PMS until proven pregnant.
how does someone with a Masters Degree leave poop in an ashtray in the sink? It just blows my mind
Your boyfriends underwear are hanging from my kitchen window. Where the fuck are you?!
who knew tequila and Christmas cookies would go so well together
Yeah, but i got vodka and bacon out of it, so it's fine.
i feel like you should know pants are always optional
People don't believe me when I say the bruises are from work. They just smile and say "right." Trust me, I WISH my sex life was that exciting.
I get so pissed when there is something that NEEDS to be made fun of and you're not here.
Randomize
