Hi Jason, it's Liz. We dont need you to pick us up anymore. I dont care if you will be here in a milisecond. And you should know im wearing really amazing shoes.
Why is it that every time I type the word "give" my phone spells out HIV?! You know how many people i've told I want to HIV them something!
I woke up pulling sunflower seeds out of my vagina. That kind of night.
Wtf. I just got invited to a threeway bj session in the bathroom at boiler. Lmao
my heart is telling me chinese, but my head is telling me beer.
He picked up a chick with a line about the price of used cars in Sri Lanka and developing economies. Step it up.
I'd have paid money to see Cookie Monster playing with a vibrator
i wasnt laughing because you were puking, i was laughing because three yards away there was a couple seriously getting it on
continuing my moment killer tradition in the best possible way
All I see when I think of you are dancing penis angels around your head.
Cool. I might be making a sickly but incredibly well dressed wine drunk appearance in a couple hours
Slept at my ex's best friends house while my ex was locked out and I walked by him sleeping in his car this am
Well, you were never considered a shining example of sobriety anyway
Knowing that porn stars want to fall in love is the weirdest thing I've found to be beautiful recently. I'm so lonely.
I'M IN A SPINNING VORTEX OF SELF-HATRED AND HORNINESS
I would rather contract a disease that would eat me from the inside out and make me suffer painfully while it slowly killed me than to put myself through the 20 minutes of agony that is having sex with you ever ever again.
I think you're talking dirty but I'm not sure???
Randomize
