If I saw her on the street and didn't know about the two of them, I would think the only way she'd ever find love was if she somehow found her way to middle earth and an orc took her in
You know, I really only think drinking is a problem if you're not good at it.
I just woke up at my desk with "To Whommmmmmmmm" typed on a letter. I have no memory of waking up, getting dressed or driving in.
How do you get mayonnaise out of... well jesus it's everywhere, let's start with carpets
I love how my cats smell like pot.
Yeah but he's impersonating a gargoyle jumping off of everything. Including the walls.
I refuse to have sex with you and your eBay condoms.
I found a half composed text to you this morning and all it said was HELP M. Is that how I ended up at the bottom of the stairwell in only a tee-shirt and one heel?
considering I never received the text I would go with 'yes'.
We got really stoned and then we fucked. Then he made me a panini.
Oooh, he sounds pretty classy
Actually, not at all. We were stoned so he made me a peanut butter panini. With a Rollo in the middle of it. And he left the panini press on all night. I could have died.
The problem with having a roommate is that you are forced to answer the age old question "Are you okay?"
...and that is the first time I've ever wished fewer naked women on someone I like.
You were drunk at 5 You went to the dining hall and cried because your brain and fingers weren't working. Your RA came up to you and suddenly you became sober. I was very proud of you.
Why can't you just come over, fuck me, then leave so i can get stoned and watch law and order?
Hey the moment you step into my house, find me IMMEDIATELY so we can pinky promise on not roping anyone at the party into yet another threesome
Dude, you screamed I AM THE WALRUS while giving a statue of Ronald McCdonald a lapdance. You were NOT sober.
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