I loved tuna sandwiches so much in grade school it was so embarrassing
Everyday all the kids would be like oh grosss whose eating tuunnaa
...i apologize for hitting you up so much tonight im just kinda in a little pickle. im going to sleep in my car near u so pretty plz lmk if you head home...
this dude just took some girl under your house for half an hour. you may have helped a 17 year old fuck on the beach for the first time. congrats.
What can I say, we hook up during the holidays.. We're a seasonal couple
He gets a blow job and all I get is a huge scar on my arm ... how is this fair?
what part of what i said meant "bring a bowl"
"bouncy castle"
I still can't believe he turned down that threesome with us in central park. He must be really committed.
Instead of politely asking me to shave, he passive-aggressively left me a groupon for a bikini wax. So I passive-aggresively fucked his roommate. And his roommate didn't mind my bush when he went down on me. Anyway, do you want the groupon or not?
Did you know that scruff feels epic on boobs especially when they are covered in whip cream?
I'd cum for enchiladas.
I've reached the last of the wine in my cup so now I have to sit up in my bed to get it through the crazy straw
Just don't have sex while watching Home Alone. It will ruin Christmas for you.
He brought me Plan B in the snowstorm.
A+ 👏🏼
Slap a cop in the butt for a felony charge. Check.
That has got to be a joke. No human eats that much grass and lives to tell the tale.
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