you remind me of a slightly lless slutty bristol palin
and you remind me of a slightly less retarded levi johnston
she told me i tasted like america
I have teeth marks. Like distinct upper and lower jaw.
Yeah me too. My shoulder looks rabid.
Lets start the night off early. Those Coronas arent going to throw themselves up.
i dont think duct tape can fix my g spot
lets call myth busters
Dude she only counts as your gf if you're home. We both signed the fair game contract when we became roommate. So are you really going to be mad or come eat a waffle with us?
I'm one ex away from doing an entire victory lap of all of the guys I've hooked up with since second semester of freshman year. Single me is scary.
the only way to explain how i feel is someone rolled me down a big fucking hill and then a dog came a took a huge ruthless shit in my mouth at the bottom
That gas station is used for only two things, picking up moonshine and getting murdered. Only two outcomes.
So much easier to puke and rally now that my gluten's under control
we are the apple cider girls!
Driving from bar to bar trying to recover all of the possessions I've drunkenly lost over the course of the past few nights. Actual nadir of my life and absolute height of shamblyness.
Props for using the word nadir
Will you be doing the frenzied booty dance of passionate ownage on my penis tonight
I feel you. I woke up butt naked on top of my sheets with a plate of cheese next to my bed...
Interesting. All i can really say is humanoid shaped doritos bags melting very slowly
Getting blackout drunk infront of my family was never on my bucket list, but now that I've done it I'm cool with it.
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