Dude this girl just said she'd take me to pleasure town while giving me head
Will Ferrell is probably jerking himself off somewhere wishing he was you
Ketchup is God's man juice
I got cut off for calling the flower girl a slut. What are you doing?
he put on The Eye of the Tiger while she was in labor.
I don't like finding out that my fuck buddy is a good person.
i love him because he let me keep my UGGS on while we had sex
We poured some Korbel out for our homie Dick Clark.
Mike showed up naked and in handcuffs. Again. Feel free to come over and laugh because I'm not helping this time.
His penis could choke an elephant. A baby elephant... But an elephant non the less.
You got Broadway Drunk, dude. I haven't heard you sing "Music Of The Night" like that since the last time I was holding you up on the way to the subway at two in the morning.
Dude come to her party. Someone just took a body shot of rubbing alcohol
You throw up behind 1 mannequin and it's world war 3 in forever 21
Note to self don't stop having sex during an earthquake! I call it a 6.1 orgasm!
Best single mom victory - getting eaten out in my dodge caravan in the hospital parkade at midnight.Three words: screaming multiple orgasms.
we went to the skate park then back to her house for dinner, and somehow that ended with her making me blueberry pancakes at 2am
Randomize
