Yeah, where have you been?
Clearly not facebooking enough. Sweet jesus.
I think my grandma died before she was convinced I was straight
Looks like I will be paying for the roofie I slipped myself in 9 months.
does wine, beer, and vodka mix well??
dude, everything can mix, this is college.
I want to poop on a bird, just to show them what it's like.
You looked cold, so i decided to make you a blanket out of sticky notes.
They are chanting tits for freedom and I'm highly considering
I think my hopes are too high for this one. The only other bachelorette party I've been to I was felt up by a Chippendale's dancer and smoked a joint with the party bus driver.
We're already drunk. 4 hours to go still. And there's a bear advisory. TOP WEEKEND.
It's a strange mix of shame and pride every time I pee at the bar and still see my lipstick on the bathroom wall...
Dude. Went to buy some jack and sailor Jerry, when the guy at the counter realized it was my birthday everybody in the store including the stoners and the elderly sang to me. Then they gave me shots of moonshine. 21st bday was a success
My cast smells like cheese steak rolls
Thank you. I woke up with a beard hair in my mouth. Super classy.
I wanna die. I can't recall the last time I was happy that doesn't involve your hand touching my butt.
HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED
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