meet me in the bathroom in 10 mins.
wait what? who are you hooking up with in the bathroom?!
aww shit wrong text.
HOLD UP I think she only has eight fingers...
He couldn't stand on his own, but he managed to somehow to get to the beer garden and get served 3 more. I'm proud to call him my cousin.
This would be a good time for the don't get drunk and bang a married chick pep talk...
I wouldn't have puked last night if I didn't inhale straight pepper from you shattering the pepper shaker on the wall.
Just spiked the bong with a ludens cough drop with hopes it soothes my throat after i rip it.
Sorry about the whole your mom seeing my face up your ass situation
Our first crop came in on the day that they added Hercules to Netflix Instant, I think it's the universe telling us that it approves of us growing shrooms in our guest room.
I just bought us acid. I'm like the drug tooth fairy. Get ready to wake up with a sweattart of acid under your pillow.
ted dressed as a cardinal led an expedition across campus. i felt like one of the 12 apostles.
It's cool dude. The dank is in the form of premade smores with honey grahm crackers, marshmallow cream and 420 brand choc. bars. NV weed laws have nothing on me.
I don't want sex or anything I just really need someone to appreciate how shiny my hair is
Idk what I'm more afraid of...checking my bank account or my STD results.
Apparently I was carrying around a bottle of listerine calling it 5 loco
You’re a genius! I just walked in, shut the door, blew him and left. He could barely move afterwards and was a hot mess at the presentation. He already sent me a calendar invite for another meeting
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